I thought we could use a little humor!

SIX RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money can't buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the SOB’s name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.

5. Many people are alive today only because it's illegal to shoot them.

6. No matter how rich you are, no matter how generous you are, no matter how good you look, the number of people who attend your funeral will depend on the weather at the cemetery, if there's an open bar at the wake, or if there’s a free meal after the funeral.


BONUS RULES:
1. Condoms do not guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

2. I think all politicians should wear uniforms. You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we can identify all their corporate sponsors.

3. Also, all politicians should serve only two terms -- one in office and one in prison.

This is a public service announcement.