A priest is in his church on Saturday afternoon hearing confessions. A man walks in, kneels down and says, "Father, it has been two weeks since my last confession and these are my sins. Last night I had sex with Nookie Green." "That is your sin?" "Yes, Father." "You are forgiven. Go out and say one Our Father."

The man leaves, and another enters the confessional and kneels. "Father, it
has been one month since my last confession. These are my sins. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month." The priest thinks to himself that this Nookie Green woman is fairly popular with his male parishioners. "Those are your sins?" "Yes, Father." "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys."

The man left. Soon, another entered and knelt. "Father, it has been six months since my last confession, and these are my sins. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last six months." This time the priest has to ask, "Who is this Nookie Green?" "Just a woman I know, Father," came the reply. "Very well," said the priest, "you are forgiven. Go out and say ten
hail Marys."

The next morning the priest was giving the sermon in front of his congregation. The doors flew open in the back of the church and in walked a tall, gorgeous red-headed woman with a green sequined dress, green sequined heels and a green hat with a long green feather. She walked straight up the
aisle and sat down right in front of the priest, her knees apart. The priest just stared. He finally caught himself and leaned over to ask the alter boy. "Pssssst. Is that Nookie Green?" The alter boy had a long, hard look and said, "No, Father. I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

fp's great blonde joke:

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for
the same job interview.

The brunette is the first one to go in, and after
filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her a last question: "How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES""? The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One". The interviewer
sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining
candidates.

The redhead is next. The process goes about the
same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"? She immediately says "One". The interviewer says "ok, we'll let you know".

Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES". She gets a very
serious look on her face and starts counting her
fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 .... hmmm - wait... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"
After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty two" The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell did
you arrive at this answer?"

To hear her response to the question "How many D's are in Indiana Jones?" open the attached wave file.

Punchline

--------------------

Ryan S. Petzold
aka
'Sparkey' and/or Special

[ 12-22-2001: Message edited by: RPetzold ]

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves! While I am mod'in here for a bit there will be none of those type jokes of a sexual nature! Some people are not aware that sex is natural and OK.
----------------

My joke:

A young man in his early 20's meets and falls madly in love with a beautiful Quaker girl. She is not only a virgin, but she is sexually inhibited. So the young man is informed he must wait until marriage, and not even talk about sex until then. Well, you know how it is guys, but this dude is head over heels ... ah, make that ... very much in love so he abides her wishes; and then they become engaged to be married. >

With much anticipation on their wedding night the young amerous groom can hardly wait until they 'consumate' the marriage physically. When they arrive in bed and he brings up the subject, much to his astonishment, his gorgeous bride informs him that she is still not quite ready to make love yet, and please be patient with her. And she tells him not to talk about sex, that she will tell him when she is ready. Fine he says. After a few days he can't stand it any longer and brings up the subject again. Same scenario all over again. This time he just rolls over frustrated and tries to get to sleep. A few days later, and in 'heat' and tired of waiting for her to abide, the poor guy brings up the subject again. Only this time he tells her that he has come up with a better way for them to communicate about having sex without them having to talk about it. He says to her, "This is how it is going to work - every night. If you are finally in the mood to make love you are to reach over and pull on my penis. If you are not ready to make love you are to reach over and pull on my penis one hundred times."

Q. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?

A. "Dam"

So, Moses and St. Peter are playing golf. They set out on the first tee, a 385 yard par four, dogleg to the left, with out of bounds forest right, and hazards to the left. Moses wins the toss, and steps up to drive. Belts one 265 yards down the center left of the fairway, sitting pretty for his approach shot.

St. Peter steps up to the tee, waggles 4 times, and lets fly. The ball arches high, and commences a screaming slice towards the woods on the right. Just as the ball descends towards the trees, an angel appears from the heavens. The angel grabs the ball, flies over the fairway, and drops it 20 yards closer to the pin than Moses' ball.

"Ah, c'mon, Pete," says Moses, "not when we're playing for money."

So a Docter goes to the pearly gate and St. Peters there. Peter ask what his I.Q. is and the Docter syas 160. Peters says that's pretty good and ask what he did on earth. The Doc says "I'm a Docter and I help people who are suffering. Peter says come on in.
Next person arrives and peter ask what his I.Q. is. He says 140 and peter says come on in.
Another person comes and peter ask his I.Q and the person says 12 and peter says 12! He thought for a while and then ask,"Did you get your elk yet."