My dad calls me up to 5 times a day. Its about to get on my last nerve. He will call at around 07:00 A.M and ask if you had read something he has seen in the newspaper.. if you have not he will read it to you.. Then, after you hang up sort of pissed he will call again 5 min later to ask a question that he has known the answer too for weeks ( asks the same question over and over) around 10:00 A.M, he will call again.. This time I don't answer the phone so he leave a semi Sh!ty message " Well, I just called and your not home so I guess I'll call later because your not home " Then an hour later will call again..and I won't answer again. Around 3:00 P.M he will call, and I'll answer. This time he will ask you again " what time is whatever it was whenever it was".. then proceed to tell me all about "his" freinds various doctors appointments, the results, what is wrong with them ( same stuff he told me yesterday and the day before ) Around 5:00 P.M, he will call my wife at work and ask her what time whatever is whatever it is. He will call again around 8:00 P.M and have something else to repeat from earlier in the day..

He does this to my sister as well, and its about to get on her last nerve.

A bit of background. My mother died a couple of years ago. Ever since he has become a high maint pain in the ass. He drinks way to much. ANY time we have a family thing he shows up half blasted.. ( example, mothers day. Shows up at my sisters blasted and proceeds to turn it into fathers day) Everything HAS to be about him, and if not he will somehow make it that way. He is 69 and acts like he is 90. He wants my kids to mow his yard ( he is totally able and he could use the exersize )

He is kinda creeping my kids out. They dread seeing him and won't answer the phone. If he does get my son on the line, he asks him to come over and do all sorts of stuff at his house, and lays this massive guilt trip on him.

My wife is getting pissed about the phone calls she gets at work.. he will leave messages 5 min long about totally nothing.

In short, he is an attention whore grade # 1 I understand that he is lonely. He has lots of freinds, and I talked with a couple and he calls them 3-4 times a day as well. I am sure he goes to the doctors simply to have someone to talk too. Its gotten sort of insane.

What to do with this guy ??? I love him but can't talk with him 24/7

Sorry. Try getting him involved with some golf/bowling/billiard/ leagues, new friends may lessen his need to call you. Or maybe have him move into an assisted living situation that has daily functions and trips to keep him busy. Or find him a lady friend.

I'm dealing with other parent issues. Been on the phone with my mother twice this morning already.......but I called her both times. She's 74, lives alone, and we are moving her into an assisted living situation in 2 weeks. Early dementia and physically a wreck. Went over last weekend(she's in eastern Washington) and started the moving process........getting rid of junk, sorting things for garage sale, etc. Hypocondriac, needs to see her doctor at least 3 times a week to get pills, gotta have those pills. Sad situation.

My father lives in Bend, OR and is 73 and golfs 18 holes a day and proclaims he'll live forever. He was in Seattle for the weekend and never saw me or my brother and sister or his 6 grandchildren. Too busy golfing with friends. Another sad situation.

Viagra and a hooker.

Your first problem is picking up the phone.

You can either take the direct approach and tell him you love him but you can't talk to him 24/7 (recommended), or ignor the problem until you explode sending verbal shrapnal into him and other bystanders (my method).

I would get mad at my Dad for calling so much but I spent 2 days with him in I.C.U now I bite my lip and just listen at least incoming on my cell are free

B-run,

Well now I know how bad I don't have it. I was thinking 2 or 3 calls a week was too much. I was never close to my mom since childhood, and now she's 82. She's always been a bit narcissistic and manipulative. My step dad died almost 4 years ago, and Mom's been closer to me than ever before, when she used to call maybe 3 or 4 times a year. Clearly she needs a lot more help since she's alone, but I decided to be clear with her that I'm not about to be manipulated, but that I will help her with things that need doing. Fortunately it's worked, and we've got a better relationship than ever before, which really surprised me at first.

Every situation is different, and it's hard to say what will work best with your dad. The number of calls per day you describe is way over the top. I'd take the direct approach - explain narcissism and manipulation (laying guilt trips on others), and tell him it's his job to change or he won't have any friends left within his family. You might explain the rule of problem ownership too, and let him own his own problems and see how it goes. I feel for ya' man. Good luck.

Sincerely,

Salmo g.

Example: My son graduates high school friday so he called at 08:11 A.M to ask me what time we wanted him to come over friday ( having a party.. family thing type deal) I told him 5:00 P.M would be fine. He called my wife at work at 08:19 A.M and asked her the same question and got the same answer. He called my sister at 08:24 A.M to ask her what time she was coming to my house ( She told him around 5:00 P.M). He then called me again at 09:01 A.M to ask if I knew what time my sister was coming over.

He called again at 11:21 A.M and left a message asking if he could bring anything, then called again at 12:05 P.M to ask if I had gotten his message. While on the phone with my wife ( who was at work) she made the mistake of asking him if she could borrow some lawn chairs. So far, she has two messages on her work phone asking "what time" she will be stopping by to pick up these lawn chairs. And he just called me again, to ask if I knew when my wife was picking up the lawn chairs.

Thats 9 phone calls over a deal thats friday, this is monday

My 7 year old is already asking mom for a cell phone. I said hell no. I figure they'll conspire some way to wrangle one and make me eat my words.

Actually, he got married and divorced since she died. he does like to be the grieving widower, when he wants to have an excuse to get drunk. My sister just said the same thing, we will be talking to someone thursday. She has it set up already. I guess we got feed up on the same day. He has been calling her husband at work as well.

I am headed over to tell him whats up tonight. There has to be something really wrong here.

Good luck B-run. You've got a heck of a situation to deal with. Best to deal with it tho. Having the whole family being fed up is no good for anyone, including your dad.

Sg

Well I hope all gets solved...Atleast know that he cares for you...

B-Run....

I understand and have experienced your situation.

Handle the situation carefully. While it can be annoying now, it is alot worse when their gone, Trust me on this one as I have very little family left.

Good luck.

Tell them to trade in the bird for the phone, then conveniently, accidently, throw the phone out beyond your front yard....splash.


B-Run, my mother-in-law calls me at least 2 to 3 times a day, for all kinds of reasons, starting at 6 a.m. and going to 7 pm sometimes. It's called a need to talk. He needs someone to talk to, better get him out doing something with some other peope so he has something to talk to them about.

How'd the talk with dad go B-Run?

My brother will be here friday, we are going to talk to him Saturday. Its going to be tough but I really do think he is losing it. I talked with his cronies and they say they have noticed it for awhile. My sister has kinda takin the point on this deal, and if history is any indication, once that chick has you in her sights your screwed. He can't live alone anymore. I was at his house and found 3 empty half gallons of Vodka in his trash can.. thats kinda excessive.

Strike Zone with the intervention. I mean Good Luck.

B-Run --- The only advice I could give regarding him calling so much is to have him move in. That would at least solve the calling thing. Good Luck.

RVW

Or try the passive-aggressive thing....you know calling him several times in the middle of the night. He'll be too tired to call you the next day.

Good luck, B-Run. I've been thru similar situations with my Dad (rip) and my Mother-in-law (rip). both of whom were very independent folks. No easy way to do it but straight ahead.

Hang in there Buddy.. My dad's usually good for a phone call a day, but at this point in time, I enjoy it... His mom however, calls a few times a day, asks the same exact questions every time, and then says to tell my mom and all of us hello... He feels your pain, a little bit, I'm sure