Got this in an email from a female friend, thought it was kinda funny.


Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when, in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men...Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the [censored] out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Women think they already know everything, but wait…training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:





1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem…Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

Thats a good list there outlaw...I'm sure there's some funny ones some of the members here could conjure up really easily...

In my experience the ones at the top are green and a little tart, whereas the low-hanging ones are ripe and ready to eat. Who wants to climb all the way to the top only to have to spit that shi% out?

As far as fallen ones on the ground, check for bruises and worms.

Amen.....This should a required class before getting married

Ya marriage is kinda like a tornado. At first there's lots of sucking and blowing, then whoooosh there goes your house.

26. Foreplay.....how to make four minutes plenty.

All I know is I got tired of following my own blood trail back to the house to take yet another knife in the back.

that is too funny Tim, where do you come up with those lines.... speaking of divorce Isn't the big day close?

February 12th. The wife is coming apart at the seams. Seems she is realizing she blew it bigtime. Oh well, sorry sugar.

I thought she didn't blow it - at least not often enough!

She blew it by not blowing it. LOL

Just before valentines kinda fitting ,too bad it was not he 14th could have sent some dead roses....This will be one anniversary you will learn to celebrate it is the countdown date regarding support... You should make this a date for a party classic SOL

It's bitter-sweet. Divorce will rock even the strongest person to the core when there are two little kids involved. Five years ago I couldn't have done it. It's true what they say, time heals all wounds. I'm just looking forward to closing the book on this chapter of my life and moving on with what I consider to be the best friends any guy could ask for. I would like to thank ALL my friends for their awesome support over the last 6 months. I couldn't have pulled though with a positive outlook without you all.

Two years ago today my divorce was final, two awesome little kids involved and it crushed me to not be there with them every night much less the financial beating I took. It still hurts not tucking em in, having dinner etc... but time helps along with getting involved coaching their teams, parent teaching in kindergarten with my daughter(thats a crazy hard gig, all kindergarten teachers in the world should get an immediate raise)...good luck bro its all for the best in the long-run and thats why I finally did it. Cheers

its all worth it...except the kids thing...when i got divorced five years ago around this time it was very worth it...we didnt fight much, just went different ways...i remember the day i got married to my first, i thought "what the heck did i do?"...maybe its cause he took me to the movies in 6th grade, and he was my best freind...but it seamed that he changed everything the day we got married...i was my husbands WIFE!..i think i got married too early, and i was 24...not ready for me...

the day i told him that i wanted a divorce he told me "do you realize that this means i will no longer be your freind, and you will no longer be able to see me anymore?" that was the hard part...cause he was a good person, and i belive he still is...we just went different ways, and he didnt fish...he told me he could learn to like to fish, but i was not willing to go that path anymore...i knew it was over...

im soooo very lucky there were no kids...that would be the hardest thing...

but i do have to admit, i cried like a little girl the day it was over, after i left the court house...he was not even there, it was just the day i knew it was over...but then i went out and partied...

so i guess my moral of the story is...make sure your friends are around the day its final...takes the edge off of remembering the good times, cause there was a reason you married her in the first place, just people change...

that moral was supposed to sound better...good luck...c

Been down that road. There is no good time. But there can be a necessary time. Life is uncertain. That's been kinda' a motto of mine for a number of years now. Be resilient. Move on. Get drunk as necessary. Get laid. Build a new and better life. Life works out pretty well.

That's too bad, c. He was obviously hurt, and human emotion is a fragile thing. When I asked my wife for a divorce I said I could no longer be her husband, but I would like to be her friend. It's been about as good of a situation between two people splitting the sheets as any I know of. I wish more people could go this route instead of crapping all over one another.

My take on it, while having little real life experience in the exact situation Tim, That's still the best route to go... There are bound to be some rough times going through it, but obviously there was something there at one time... Enough to make friends out of the deal at first... I know a LOT of couple that split up, remarried, etc, and now, the new couples are still good friends... Just because you can't live with someone doesn't make them a bad person... And it's especially important to be civil when kids are involved...

C, that's kinda sad really... Ditto on everything Tim said...

When I asked for my divorce, it was because we had both gone in different directions and the married thing was getting in the way of the friendship that started the whole relationship in the first palce. Since the divorce it has been up and down, but much easier to work through things as friends without the husband/wife dynamic getting in the way. (It also helps that she moved to Spokane).
Not always easy, but answering only to myself sure is nice.

Good luck Tim...

It always amazes me to hear about people Marrying their High School Sweetheart. What doesn't amaze me at all is hearing about them outgrowing the relationship when they both mature and realize there's a lot more out there in the big wide world.

If I'd have married my high school Sweetheart, I'd be stuck with a fat cow in a singlewide in unincorporated Lewis County raising 3 kids of dubious fatherhood by working $12/hr rotating shifts on some production line and stealing Catalytic Converters on the weekends. True story, and it damn near happened, but instead she found another guy's life to ruin from our class. She saw that poor bastard coming. He was a good guy too.

If college has just one single value it's putting you in the company of people with triple digit IQ's who can do grown up things like balancing checkbooks and acting somewhat responsibly.

Sorry I was rambling again.

My situation, verbatum, bro.

If college has just one single value it's putting you in the company of people with triple digit IQ's who can do grown up things like balancing checkbooks and acting somewhat responsibly.

It's never too late to think about going.....lol