Peak America

"O, say can you see!"

The news came out today that 40% of American adults are obese. We wonder why.

What's diabolical is that I'm a thin dude, have perfect blood pressure, cholesterol and whatnot and I can and do eat ALL OF THE BACON almost daily and not gain a pound. At 45. My only bad habit remaining is smoking which prevents some weight gain (3 - 5 pounds maybe), but even when I've quit in the past, I still keep my 32" waistline.

Our work team has a team lunch every Thursday in our building café. I get the same thing, every time. Deluxe, double bacon, double patty cheeseburger, no sauces + avocado & a side of fries. I wash it down with exactly (3) little cartons of chocolate milk and (1) warm chocolate chip cookie.

You should see the looks on my co-workers faces. Every woman around me HATES me and lets me know directly to my face. They say some seriously awful stuff about me and then about themselves. I had one plump girl literally take me aside to ask questions. "Sorry Toots, it's genetics and there is nothing you can do". She got really sad and I kinda felt bad. My vegan East Indian IT workers cry inside every time I take a bite of their god.

But I also bring in Top Pot doughnuts sometimes and people are actually pretty mean to me...."like fvck you dude, I'm trying to diet" as I kill my 3rd Boston Crème in their face. More hate than thankyous actually. Why are people so mean? What did I do? Tomorrow should probably be Doughnut Friday again.

I probably eat a dozen bacon cheeseburgers a week on average. My standard order at Wendy's is (5) Jr. bacon cheeseburgers and a Medium coke (no fries, they take up valuable bacon space). I eat there 2x times a week probably, sometimes more.

I have gas and I'll probably die soon.