If you own a 4x4 truck and Armorall the tires.

If you don't know who Peter North or Jenna Jameson is.

If you've ever been in a Mexican standoff at a 4-way stop and not charged through the intersection cussing.

If you've ever waited more than 2 minutes on hold.

If you've ever turned down head.

If you are religous.

If you are ugly.

If you are fat.

If you live with your mother-in-law.