Well, technically speaking, *you've* got issues, not me.

But yes, my little Russian buddies have infected your system. One snap of my finger, one wave of my Paker-Godlike-Hand and just the mere thought of doing so unleashed a torrent of nasty microscopic Russian "Buddies" in your computer system.

And by small, I mean electron level small. These nasty little Commies are right now running around in all the wires, hard drives, USB ports, RAM chips, and even the processor itself! These damn nasty Russians are currently doing unspeaking un-wholly things to your computer. You won't need anti-virus software, but rather a rape kit when they are finished with it.

About now, I suspect they have also left your computer and are now running rampant in the electrical wires in your house, soon to be, if not already, in your other computers, in your electronic devices, appliances and anything that once or ever used a power outlet.

There's little I, BigFoot or even ManBearPig can do now for you, except offer up this advice:

Nuke the whole place from orbit. Its' the only way to be sure.

Or, get a Mac.