As long as your nards are dry and you've got some Crown R- it can piss rain on me all day. Do they make rubber underwear?

Snort!

Just wanted to follow up since I mentioned that the Patagonia deep wading jacket has felt lined hand warming pockets. I just got the latest version and realized that it does not have felt lined hand warming pockets like my older version but instead has very large zippered pockets in place of the hand warming ones, so there are 4 total zippered pockets, 2 which are huge. The cuffs are also not rubberized like the previous version and the main front zipper is not water proof but does have a storm flap. I think Patagonia made some cost saving updates. I still think it will be a very functional jacket but it will likely be a long while before this new version replaces my old.

How would you rate the ass area of this coat in terms of dryness, warmth, and security from sexual harassment?

low

That's why the military doesn't use rubber? Your story has some holes in it gore-Tex is a superior fabric!

I went fishing this weekend in sideways snow. By the end of the day I was definitely moist and very cold. My fat ass had to be rescued (pic).

Coley, no sexual threats were encountered despite my posterior being exposed to the elements.

GoreTex superior to PVC and rubber.???
Good one.

Your GoreTex fabric is what has holes in it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check out Cabelas Gortex guidewear. I have a long coat like you are describing that is my everyday wear. Used it at B10 with Guide pants & stayed very comfortable & dry. I have Grundens also & would get very clammy damp & cold. FWIW

Another advantage of rubber over today's fashion suits is the fact you can clean egg, herring, blood, etc messes off them easily.

Great thread, and I wish I had something funny to offer.

As it is, I just have a review:

I have been thoroughly impressed with my Simms Slick jacket. Pricey, but it has performed flawlessly. To answer the initial question of the thread, the back is cut low and it does keep me warmer. In addition, the internal cuffs do a fantastic job of keeping the water from running down your arms while holding your rod up. And for its namesake, all of the hidden zippers don't catch/foul anything (this is more applicable to fly casters, but is still very nice for all fishermen).

Hands down best coat I have ever seen, and I did quite a bit of research prior to buying it.

Simms is coming out with a breathable chastity belt model next year for you homo's. lol

Unlike some, I've never had moisture, temperature, or vanity issues in the ass region of my wading knickers. As such, I prefer a wading jacket designed for, well, wading.

As for my sexual orientation, just because you think my ass looks great doesn't mean I'm gay. Come to think of it, you been hanging around Beezy? Maybe that's really why he wants to cover the kaboose.

Belly laugh

Resurrecting this thread because I'm also in the market for a new jacket to use while fishing and performing other outdoor activities, but I don't like the shortness of many "wading" jackets.

However, I do like to keep one or two lure boxes in my jacket pocket when I'm bank fishing, and a lot of otherwise good rain jackets don't have big enough pockets, D rings, etc.

Does anyone have any experience with the Hodgman Aesis or h5 jackets?

sick bump lol. one of my favorite threads.

Patagonia River Salt Jacket will give you the length you need plus the large front pockets you seek... all in a sleek uncluttered CLEAN frontal profile. Buy it ONCE and rest assured their iron-clad warranty will have you covered for friggin' ever.

So does nobody on here use Simms?...

I just read through this entire thread. I'll never get those minutes back!
It seems that everyone has missed the obvious. If I want to keep my ass warm and dry I don't look at a jacket - I look at pants! Just like if I want to keep my head warm and dry I don't look at pants, but jackets and hats. I wonder if the OP looks for gloves to keep his feet warm?

I'm sure we never met, but I'm sure I'll recognize him by the way he wears stuff.

Still using my Arcteryx Sidewinder coat for all things outdoor. Hunting, fishing, snowboarding, boating, & hikes. Hasnt failed me yet and dont expect it to. I've had it for 4-5 years now and still going strong and feels like I'll have it a long time. Awesome build quality and durabilty, huge pockets, only weighs 1.4 pounds. Love it.