Starship Eat-a-Dick, this is General JackHammer of Darkside Command. Captain NapD90, You copy?
Awaiting further daily intel reports of Operation Fvckoff.
Please be advised that our long range, temporal scanners are picking up outbound ship activity from the Planet Mesohorny. Our spies are reporting outbound ships containing enemy combatants disguised as "Super Hot Asian hookers from Shenzhen." Darkside Command is recommending you rendezvous with only the "top floor" ship, as this will be the premier lead ship. Arrange to meet with the highest ranking officer of the ship and take her back to a secluded room that doesn't smell of bleach. The highest ranking officer will be recognized by the "extremely fvcking hot disguise". It is recommended you seclude yourself with this officer and use your mobile translator for this meeting. It is also strongly advised you do not partake in any food, drink or other offerings while on lead premier ship
DO NOT attempt to make physical contact with these beings. They are known carriers of the MexicanBeer Virus. If you must rub on out near or on one of these officers, please disinfect your entire body with rubbing alcohol. At this time, we are unable to discern what exactly is underneath their disguise, but you may need to wash your eyes out with bleach in cases of extreme emergency.
Gather as much intelligence as you can, including photos, and we await your further reports. Please refer to Paragraph 3, Section 69 on your Officers Code Handbook that states: "Pics, or it didn't happen."
Good luck and God Speed Captain NapD90 and the crew of the Starship Eat-a-Dick.
General Jackhammer and Darkside Command, Over.
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_________________________
Tule King Paker
...better for you in more ways than usual.
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