Indeed.

Fish on...

Todd

Zzzzzzzzzzing!!!

This isn't a laughing matter.
While you guys are clowning here poor Nick is sporting a semi chubby, staring at a late 50's woman well beyond her prime.

Meanwhile Todd knows all these chicks and is starving the man.

Somethings gotta give.
The dude needs to release the prisoners soon.

Hank always said on other threads, "If it smokes it pokes."
The last thing Nick needs to do is quit smoking.

Late 50's? Nap ain't that old. I think the age bracket he needs to focus on is 35 - 52. 53yo burnouts and up are out, and 20somethings will just laugh at him.....

Vagina depreciates in value after the age of 29. I say Nick sows his wild oats,mid life crisis style,and smashes some young hot snatch. Which anywhere from 28-35 would suffice. Buy a sports car. Take a trip abroad. Live a little. We only get one shot at this. Just don't do like I did and smash 19 year olds as a grown man. It ruins those poor girls sex lives for at least a decade. Good luck.

Yeah even I felt kinda bad for that one

"Late 50's? Nap ain't that old. I think the age bracket he needs to focus on is 35 - 52. 53yo burnouts and up are out, and 20somethings will just laugh at him....."

That's what I'm saying exactly.
Things are desperate.

The dude stands at the urinal staring in the mirror.
What is looking back is a man without his mojo.

He knows 59 isn't ideal.
He also knows the 59 ain't interested.
She can see the pimple faced desperation of a virgin 19 year old eyeball Faa King her.

Have a member of your team help out Todd.
Take one for the team.
Be a leader.
Delegate.

If Nicholas was in California I could have him laid in 20 minutes. It's too easy here,almost as easy as Orygun . Those broads in the greater Portland metro area are a special mix of crazy and stupid.

Eugene hippy college age puss is the best puss. Nick would have to use his long arms to fight them away.

Yeah well I went to a couple good shows in Eugene. When I was 18 my friend was going to college there. I took a train up to visit him,and I would likely have gotten laid,but I was too busy getting absolutely mindless hammered. His roommate was glad I left because I got him to take acid 3 different times in a week when he should have been studying . I was a derelict. Got bit by a spider on my leg,and had to go to the hospital for it. Cut my trip short,had necrosis going on,and a blue lien going up the back of my leg. The doctor says I was lucky I came in when I did. It was evidently one of any 3 varieties of spider and they are all bad.

That's my Eugene story.

Stay a couple inches away from the spider Nick.

Hold on here, guys...we're not trying to find Nick a fuckin wife here, he just needs to fukk something other than his hand or a watermelon.

His standard should be "demonstrably female in normal lighting conditions"...and no more.

FFS...Evo is getting laid.

Da'Fuq is wrong with you, Nick?

Team Todd doesn't dole out pity fukks...but that's something you should be able to manage

Once you get laid and take the edge off, then you can hone in your standards, starting with "might even tell someone about this" all the way up, eventually, to "Mom? This is my girlfriend ____"

Get that edge off first before you make a desperate mistake and mix up "demonstrably female in normal lighting conditions" and "how did I get married and where did these fuckin rugrats come from?".

Fish on...

Todd

Please leave Hankster of out this thread. He's busy fvcking himself at the moment and probably doesn't need Nick's help.

+ berzillions

Fish on...

Todd

Fvck the Ducks. Literally.

Always through the "O" and the hand symbol used to show the "O" was t the Mating Call of the U of O Ducks. Thought it was the way the women there showed how big their gaping holes were.

Bring ropes, harnesses, and safety gear, Nick. And no, not to be used for kinky stuff...but for your safety if you were to fall in one of these deep crevices.

The Last time this situation reached this level of desperation... I had to intervene Todd, and we got him set up with Robyn. She met the reasonable lighting standards and then some.

At this point in the dry spell...Acute action is needed. I think I need to head over to Nicks house with a couple tools to help a bro out:

I think for the first time in my entire life, I literally don't know what to say.
I have no clue how to respond or not respond here and that's really a new and uncomfortable experience for me.

Congratulations you bassturds.

You got this, Nick.

Just get Tinder on your phone and swipe right on every single female within 30 miles of you. Every single one.

Or left? Fuckifino. Whichever one means you wannafuck.

Any that match with you, immediately message them and say "I wannnafuck right now".

Sooner or later one will say yes. It's a numbers game here, Nick, don't let your pride cockblock you...and don't let two dozen "fuckoffs" deter you...the next one may be the one!

Fish on...

Todd

Do you think "hey sweet titts, let's get together and cough all over each other" would be an effective pick-up line? Asking for a friend.

"Hold on here, guys...we're not trying to find Nick a fuckin wife here, he just needs to fukk something other than his hand or a watermelon."

Note to self:
Don't go to Nicks Spodie.


TOP DEFINITION
Spodiedrugs
A party, much like a keger, but instead of beer you drink and sell a mixture of alcohol and various juices. Every weekend night in Seattle. Mostly attended and thrown by high school age students. $5 a cup.