3 star

So my mean rooster story...

My old man was a Dentist. When he turned 35 (I think), his buddies bought a baby pig, bunches of chickens and ducks and free range released them in his dental office during business hours. Super brilliant and super dickish.

So, we ended up with all these critters back home on the farm. The chicks and ducks grew into fryer size and we had a big family event to slaughter and pluck. One chicken escaped the pen during this killin' madness and we were never able to catch it again. He lived and turned into a regal prick of a rooster.

This rooster, as most roosters are, was a complete cocksucker. He used to harass everything, especially our horses. Poor horses would get pecked to death by this thing and you could tell they hated this bird. Anyway, one day, Mom and I were cleaning out stalls and here comes this cocksucker. I was maybe in 1st grade, so I was little. So this bird was struttin' around and acting the arsehole to the horses. I tried pushing him away with the shovel and this prick just loses it. He climbed up on me and went straight for my eyes. Of course I start screaming for mom and running around with this jerk stuck to my head. My mom goes into mom mode and starts trying to knock this rooster off my head. She's screaming, I'm screaming and this Rooster is screaming. My dad, hearing the ruckus comes outside to see this Rooster molesting his only son. Nods his head, goes back inside for a moment and comes back out packing the 12 ga. He calmly walks across the yard, loading some shells. He gets up to us, knocks that bird off my head onto the ground and pops it point blank with that 12. BOOM! Feathers everywhere. No more rooster. My sisters cried because it was like their pet or something. Getting bloodied by that cocksucker was totally worth it to see my sisters bawl their eyes out. HAHAHAHA!!! I'm a good brother. The end.

2 less than 5.

Almost there, if Nap had an eye pecked out and had to wear an eye patch this thing would be 5*.

Bump for growing chicks. Still got 8 happy and healthy peckerwoods.

These things grow like weeds! Such messy little creatures. Eat. Poop. Scratch. Sleep. Repeat.

They are definitely starting to chill out and see me as friend and not foe. The "hand of certain doom" is now more of a curiosity than a threat and they are learning it brings tasty treats instead of death.

Just a couple more weeks and they should be ready for the great outdoors.

We have the daytime Chicken Channel here. With a Randy Roo, we have the Chicken Porn Channel too. Nighttime programming usually involves special guest raccoons and coyotes....

Congrats on becoming a dominant member of your new flock. Hand feeding and regularly handling them (breast bone in the palm of your hand with their feet dangling betwixt fingers) with an accompanying treat will make them easier to handle in the future....

Bad Bad Leroy Brown. Baddest bird in the whole damn town.

My young rooster, Leroy Brown, is a uppity jackwagon who's days are extremely numbered. Cocksucker pecked me twice this evening when I went to clean out their cage.

This was his first major show of insolence and insubordination. He thinks he's tuff stuff. The Havalon and the 'Traffic Cone of Quietus' awaits you my ill-mannered, yet tasty friend. I will have my vengeance.

Tick Tock Leroy.

Way to go Nick! Thanks for bringing back the memories I have of my youthful days as a would be farmer. I had to work my way through high school, in part to support my car, and the other part was to support my money losing chicken and cattle un-business. I had my share of roosters who developed anti-social attitudes, in addition to the story I related earlier about the big red rooster my step-brother and his friend killed. Fortunately, young roosters make decent and tasty fryer chicken.

206ers remind me of a bunch of hens running around with no feathers on the back of their skull. Just a matter of time until there is a bloody hole followed by a slow downward flop.

Better hope the rest of the country feels compassionate and wears their beakers.

Wait till you see the chicken Taj Mahal I've been building them. Their new digs are gonna be ultra bougie deluxe by chicken standards. Built like a brick chit house Chicken Fort Knox. I have like 20 full days into already. I'll get some pics posted once it's all done. I should have taken pics during construction for historical purposes, but once I get to workin', I just go to work and pics are the last thing on my mind.

I've also been slamming in a victory garden this spring, so my hands have been extremely full. Everything is pcoming up great. By the looks of it, my potato harvest is gonna be swell. I'm growing everything in gigantic fabric bags, so it's a different twist to container planting. We'll see how it goes...

You're like a weird cat lady. Only different.

You're the weird chicken dude.

it's not that weird....really.

This is the dream.

Do you know how many fine babes I'm gonna pull when I walk into parties with my chicken buddy under my arm?

Don't hate. Get game.

G
T
C
Lifestyle YO!

Gym.

Tan.

Chicken.

Bring a couple turkey hunting with us and we can use them as decoys.

Fish on...

Todd

Chicken Update 06/01/2020

I got these stinky little birds out of my house yesterday afternoon and into their mansion coop. They took right to it and are happy, happy. Runnin' and scootin' and scratchin' and peckin'. Doing happy chicken things in their greatly expanded new home.

I'm going to leave them in their 8' x 8' coop with a heat lamp at night for about a week to harden them off. I still need to get their run netting installed before I let them outdoors, but most of the hard work is done.

Stupid birds.

Sounds like you care for them quite a bit. Quarantine getting a little lonely?

So Leroy can legit fly. This is not good at all.

I haven't got my poultry netting up over the top of their run (yet) and last night, that Cock flew up many feet to sit on top of the coop and then stared me down. Like "what are YOU going to do about it?"

Soon Leroy. I will do something about it very soon Leroy.

PS...I'm also training my real yard birds (crows) with dog food. I place the dog food just outside my roommates bedroom window every morning. Got a family of 7 or so and they all like to sing me the song of their peoples. Heaven forbid if feed them one minute past 6 am. So I feed them exactly at 6:05 am.

Dude you need a girlfriend.

You dick.

My neighbor does the same $hit. She leaves a pile of grain out in the morning for the squirrels.

Those fvcks go off as soon as the sun comes up.

Are we neighbors?

The roomie legit asked me what the hell I'm doing (and if you know my roomie...well you know my roomie. It's 24/7 dicey at best). I told him I'm trying to train the crows to bring me shiny objects like bottle caps, dimes and bubble gum wrappers. He went absolutely blank for about 5 seconds and muttered..."you are trading my sleep for used bottle caps?".

Coldly and without hesitation I starred him directly in the eyes and said "yes".

I haven't seen him since...