So I took the plunge and bought myself some yard birds. First time having these stupid little drunken creatures as a willing adult. We had these fvckers growing up, but dad always sorted out the particulars and I just had to feed em' on time of face the "hose of suffering". Dad was an asshole that beat mom, but not because of the chickens I don't think, but maybe because I can see how they'd drive a man to drink.

Anyway, now that I have these sonsabitches, anything in particular to look out for or do? I want to be a good, caring poultry husband as I want my bitches earning their keep and giving me the goods on the regular. I'm not afraid to bust out the pimp hand and slap a chikenhead….just like dad.

They are about a week old now and seem to be healthy, messy little bastards that need non stop attention. They're like trailer trash in that regard so I figured half of you knuckle draggers here would have experience. I got 9 of these dirty hoes. 5 Rhode Islands, 2 white leghorns and 2 brown leghorns. The white leghorns do nothing but complain and the brown ones don't want to work. One of the brown leghorns is fully retarded and not well in the head. I named her/him/it after somebody that posts here.

So...anyway.

dum, dum dum dum

I know nothing about raising chickens except that my friend in the Machias area sometimes finds a pile of feathers instead of a chicken. Coyotes or bobcats probably had a KFC break.

That's quite the mystery about what you named your deadbeat retarded brown chicken.

What did you name yours Viagra boy?

You blew it. You're not supposed to admit that you're the dunce, er, deadbeat retarded brown chicken. We were suppose to guess!

So what is this obsession you have a about darksider's dicks or how their dicks perform? Huh, homo?

Successful poultry punchin requires poop and rodent management.

Lol look at your past 2 months.. Sh!t punch it to since you came back... Too bad you can't look at your other posts on the other account...

Or can you .....

Another stroke? You should get that looked at.

Jesus, Evotarded...even for your utter fuckedupedness, that was the fastest thread fagout ever.

Congrats, you own another record. You're racking up "#1s" as fast as Fat Nixon, and just as dubiously.

Fish on...

Todd

LOL O.M.G Fastest thread fuckerupper.

Here's EVOO at his buddy's house waiting for mom to pick him up.

What's with the fecal matter and dildos ?

and you just came in 2nd...

if you aint first you're last...

Nick,
We had pretty good luck with the R.I. and leghorns. Takes some patients to get started. Keep them watered, fed and their pen relatively clean. Later in life I had to clip wings on the leghorns. They kept escaping and I almost gave up on them. Fortunately, they survived and were prolific egg layers.

https://www.backyardchickens.com/forums/

I also copied someone's chicken tractor to let them eat bugs without becoming dinner for the neighbor dogs.

Pheasant chicks are going to be available any day now. My neighbor is going to give it a go. Helped him put up a separate pen. Good fun.

We have raised chickens for , well, a really long time. Fresh eggs are nice. Plus, we feed them all the food scraps. The love meat, including fish guts, clam guts, mice, etc. If you feed them, say, clam guts, limit the amount as they will taint the eggs.

Chicks (whether human or avian) are a lot of work. Once fully feathered they can go outside. Some sort of pen is nice to keep them out of tings like gardens and keep them from being eaten. A light, on a timer, is necessary if you want eggs all winter.

They may be dangerous as a young rooster we had caused my broken ankle. They do have personalities and some are dumb as Darksiders.

My family had chickens growing up. We never had problems with Evotard screwing our chickens, but there is a thing called predator awareness that always occurred at some point. A predator or predators would become aware of the chickens and do everything to get them. Suddenly every night was war at the chicken coop and sleep was impacted. Typically it was Raccoon and even when my dad blasted them with his shotgun, they would be back eventually. In the end, the regular battle with predators made the effort not really worthwhile. We lived in a brushy area, if we had flat wide open ground it may have been different and easy to control.

It is pathetic that you assume he named his chickens, and thus take on this knowledgeable farmer attitude looking down on wannabe farmer Nick. Everything you post feels fake and self serving.

Thanks Erik - good advice and I'll check out that link. I can totally see how those rapscallion Leghorns could get naughty. The ones I got are turbo charged little punks compared to the Rhode Island Reds, except for that one retarded one. The white ones are like track stars which is odd because I thought the brown ones had the extra butt muscles. That's what Jimmy The Greek's book on backyard chicken husbandry says, but I digress.

I do feel awful about the retarded one. There is something wrong with it for certain. It eats and drinks some, but it just stands there and weeble-wobbles or it's laying down face first in sawdust and doesn't move just like Dad used to do after hitting the bars and mom. It's also only about half the size of the others too and not growing. I'm thinking of giving it the ol' Christopher Reeves treatment and dropping it from a horse. It's got 24 hours to get better or I'm giving it to Dan to ride into battle. Can you imagine the fear in the eyes of his enemies as Dan gallops up on a retarded baby chicken? Cute little saddle, stirrups and matching regiment outfits? A pointy shish-kabab stick as a jousting lance? That chit would be terrifying. I'd turn and run for the hills for certain.

FREEEEEDDDOOMMMM!!!!!!

Lol....I can see it now.
Little fvckin trumpets blaring and $hit.