"FISHING POX"
Very Contagious to Adult Fishermen - Symptoms:

Continual complaint as to need for fresh air, sunshine and relaxation. Patient has a blank expression, sometimes deaf and blind to wife and kids. Has no taste for work of any kind. Frequent checking of tackle catalogs and Internet fishin' pages. Hangs out in Sporting Goods Stores longer than usual. Secret night visits to post messages at Angler's OnLine and Bass Fishing Home Page. Mumbles to himself. Lies to everyone.

No known cure! Treatment: Medication is Useless - Disease is not Fatal!

Victim should go FISHING as soon and often as possible

This one is for all the Married wifes

"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend. "Why shouldn't I?" Jane inquired. "Well, maybe he is having an affair?" "No way, he returns every time without any fish..."

some rules for fishin


Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better fishing is around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.

OK RT, I KNOW THAT JOKE WAS LAME BUT IT CAME FROM A 6 YEAR OLD. SO HERE ARE A COUPLE NASTY ONES THAT I'M SURE WILL GET A CHUCKLE.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN WITH NO ARMS OR LEGS BUT GIVES A GREAT BJ? PARTIALLY DISABLED

HOW DO YOU TURN A WASHING MACHINE INTO A SNOW PLOW? GIVE THE ***** A SHOVEL.

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000.00 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a news stand to buy a paper. Before leaving she asks the sales clerk, I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?".

"About 32" the clerk replies. "I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonalds and asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, " I'd guess about 29". The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47." Now she is feeling really good about herself

While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands up your blouse and feel your boobs. Then I can tell exactly how old you are." They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead".

The old man slips both hands up her blouse, under her bra, and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes she says, "Okay, Okay, how old am I?" He removes his hands and says, "You are 47." Stunned the woman says, "That's amazing. How do you know?".

The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds.

A good one from Fisheads 5:


<< > > > The Good Samaritan
> > > >
> > > > A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a
loud
> > > > pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
> > drunken
> > > > stranger standing in a pouring down rain is asking for a push.
> > > >
> > > > "Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's three o'clock in the
> morning!"
> > > He
> > > > slams the door and returns to bed.
> > > >
> > > > "Who was it?" asks his wife.
> > > >
> > > > "Just a drunken stranger asking for a push" he
> > > > answers.
> > > >
> > > > "Did you help him?" she asks.
> > > >
> > > > "NO, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and
> > > > it's pouring out!"
> > > >
> > > > "Well, you've got a short memory" says his wife.
> > > > "Can't you remember bout three months ago when we broke down on
> holiday
> > > and
> > > > those two guys helped us? I think you should help him."
> > > >
> > > > The man does as he is told and gets dressed and
> > > > goes out into thepounding rain and calls out into the dark. "Hello,
> are
> > > you
> > > > still there?"
> > > >
> > > > "Yes," comes the answer.
> > > >
> > > > "Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.
> > > >
> > > > "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
> > > >
> > > > "Where are you?" asks the husband.
> > > >
> > > > "Over here, on the swing" the drunk replies. >>

Old guy goes to the doctor and asks for some 1/2 doses of Viagra. Doc says he'll have to give him a physical because of his age.
After the physical doc says "Mr. Brown, for 85 years old you are in great shape there is no reason why you couldn't use the full doses.
Mr. Brown replys "Hey Doc, I haven't wanted sex for the last 25 years I just want to get it out far enough so I can quit pissin' on my shoes. not fp