Hey Kiiiiiiiddd, I would like to apply for the position of Undersecretary in charge of female skin enhancement, including but notlimited to, the placement and application of all skin moisturizers.

Sorry amigos, but BigDave will be working the gate.

Be sure to get the secret code from The Kid, as BigDave won't let anyone in without it.

Hey Pepe, I know the secret code - it's "I got yer code right here dude!". Ooops, I let it out. Excuse please. Have to change it now. ....

And Justin, I have a rough draft of the "Requirements of Passage" piece you wanted me to have for the gate watchers:

SAUK RIVER STEELHEAD RANCH 'Standards of Entry' - Document No. 1269 (please bring proof of acceptability to the gate masters
in charge)

- If you are a good looking woman you are in.

- If you are a marginal looking woman you will need to be wearing a very skimmpy thong bikini. Those needing a 'waxing' see RT. (forgive me Mom, and tell the Lord I'm an OK guy when you see him at dinner tonight)

- All other women and farm animals can wait in 'Yalls car outside the gate; he won't last long inside. (jk'n ya dude - and don't forget the beer bong)

- If you are a man that is better looking than RT you must go to the make up tent outside and north of the main entry gate. There you will have your face downgraded to a notch below the appearance or RT's and also have some extra padding added to your bellies under your shirt. Then you may re-apply for entry. (OK, I'll beat you lamos to it "Hey RT, gonna be a busy makeup tent").

- If you are a guy with a cold keg full of quality draft beer you get in without any other qualifications.

- If you bring 2 very high quality life sized blond dolls to give the Kid (President) and Parker (CEO), you have a very good chance at getting in even if you are below No. 1269 code standards.

- Osprey Rule No. 14B; If you are a guy and come in a pink dress &/or are towing a sheep on a leash ... sorry, wrong party. Wait your turn in 'Yall's car.

- ANY man that can out chug RT can hence forth refer to himself as A) Lucky, B)The King C) Stupid D) All of the above

- Fishing rods and tackle are optional.

RT
Director of Activities
Carp Fishing Instructor
Sauk River Steelhead Ranch

Kokanee Draft Pro Staff - U.S. Division

Pepe
I am not lookin to guard the gat just to make sure Quailty and ONLY Quailty gets in
As for the bouncer goes We will let Big dave handle all the rough stuff
Hey RT
Are you sure anyone can be down graded to your level of uglyness jk'n
Dances out

Right on, guys. Sounds like this fiesta should be good as always.

RT, you could not have explained the rules better. Good job, bro. I would also like to clarify that there are no weapons of any kind allowed and you will be checked by Big Dave at the gate. Your wives, girlfriends, mistresses, female escorts, and mail order brides are welcome to come, however, we ask that they are of legal age........to drink alcohol that is

I am setting up a formal party date which should be in about 3 weeks so get ready. Unlike the Wind river, you pack it in, you pack it out! Vandalism, violence, or abuse of property or people will result in immediate removal of said persons responsible.

RV's, tents, campers, etc. are welcome but please contact me in advance if you are bringing any large RV's or trailers as space for large vehicles is somewhat limited.

If you receive an official invite via e-mail, then consider yourself invited. If you do not receive an invite and you don't fit into one of the categories mentioned in RT's post, then e-mail and beg, plead, bribe, trade, etc. and we'll see what we can do.

We also need to set something up for drift boats, catarafts, etc. for the float the folling afternoon. Notice I said afternoon as most people don't have the mental capacity or sleep to fish the next morning after a night at the Sauk River Steelhead Ranch

Justin
President and Owner at
Sauk River Steelhead Ranch

P.S. Anybody who touches the first lady (my woman) will be hancuffed to a tree w/o food or water for 3 weeks. You also may float the Sauk w/o a boat.

Oh, yeah. We'll have a fireworks show if you so desire. Just holler.

Good behavior rules to augment the gate requirements Kid. Hey, nobody in their right mind is going to touch the 'first lady'! But what if someone brings you another great inflatable dollie and you fall for it again ... ah, her again ... and someone dares to touch your doll? There are a number of guys I can think of who need to know this.

RT, actually I'm not sure if Steph is going to be the first lady or not. She's flakin' out on me so I might have to resort to my new mistress. She's cuter than a #50 Hotshot and she can fish too! It just depends on whether I'm in a blonde or brunette mood, but either way she'll be a doll all right! No, RT, not the plastic kind like the Forks Babe. I'm in the hook business, remember? Those kinda girlies don't last too long in my house with all the loose hooks everywhere.

It looks like we'll be doing this shindig the last weekend in June.

Who's ready? Hey_yall will be there to give banjo lessons and if he gets out of line we don't need to worry about the duct tape. Big Dave said that he can handle him just fine. It's you, RT, I'm worried about.

Hey J, I'm just a big ol' puppy dog - unless someone tries to steal my beer. ...

Thanks for the cool party setup Justin. Sounds like it will be fun and only fun. Great. Can hardly wait. - Steve

RT, in all seriousness we are going to throw a huge book signing party for you to celebrate the release of your new book. Just get the damn thing done so we can go to it. This party I'm setting up later this month is actually going to be limited to fishing buddies and their families. I want to set up a float trip the next day so we need to make sure that there's room in all the boats for everybody. Whoever gets left behind on the float will not be left out as my good buddy will take them on a walk in trip way up in the river system. Either way, everybody will have fun.

Now who's wants to go???

Justin
President, Sauk River Steelhead Ranch

But what if the invited guest isnt even of legal drinking age!?!?...

...such as myself. The joys of youth!

Sparky,

We'll have to work something out for you, man. Let's see, hmmmmmmmmm, how about a virgin pina colada or a Shirley Temple?

Is that virgin Polynesian?

Ryan,
I'd say we get a caravan coming from the Twin Harbors area up to yonder shindig. Every eight or ten years or so I need to leave Deliverance and see the rest of the world. Hell, we might even be the party heros when we show up with the gizzard eating queen of the Brooklyn Tav. Now, she is talented!!!! Although, not quite the stunner you find at the Red Rooster.
Since you are underage and I'm officially a hooch abuser as set forth by Washington County , OR, standards, and am in official remmission, we could have a nice safe and sane caravan north.
Hey RT, someone said no farm animals. What kind of BS is that?!!! You mean we can't unpack the Luv Ewe...The official camp tramp of the Queeet's River Steelhead Camp (not OFFICIALLY endorsed by Northwest Flyfishing, but grandfathered in)? How about the Purple Helmeted Commander, always a conversation topic when used as a dining centerpiece at steelhead camp (comes out only when females are present or due too excessive hooch intake, someone takes a nappy-poo and the cameras and squeeze mayo are available....good stuff to have if you ever need a favor from a Queetzer camp member).

Hey C&D, sounds like you know how to party. I'm sure Pres KS will take note; I'm only the groundskeeper there. Bring a rod and some jigs - oh ya, and an ice cold keg of Kokanee if ya think of it on your way there. ... And if you can't get your criters thru Big Dave at the gate, just tie them to 'Yall's bumper. It's the '53 brown Buick Roadmaster with the "Walmart Rocks" and "Nice Tooth Babe" bumperstickers, plus 'Bama plates on it. He calls it his motorhome. If it's rockin don't be knockin - he prefers to be absolutely alone at that time.

RT
Clogged Spigot Technition (kegs only)
Sauk River Steelhead Ranch