For whoever has noticed my BB situation or cares about it, the following is for you. Most others will be bored by it so would do better reading other interesting threads.
....................

Since I have been a long time member and moderator of the fishing BB scene, and post more than most people, it seemingly gets noticed a bit more when I goof up. And I have really goofed up lately. I want to clear the air about it.

I have my share of getting into people's faces (or should I say graemlin smilies ) in controversial threads. But it was fitting in those threads at the time. Lately it has gone over the line. And with some soul searching discussions about it with friends we've come to the conclusion it has a lot to do with a combo of a reactive nature and with extenuating circumstances lately. Well, I knew that to a degree, but things have gone beyond simple benign stuff lately and I have handled it poorly with worse over-reactions.

Essentially I have become aggrivated and intolerant and thus over-reactive in threads involving affronts. More than ever recently. For this I want to appologize to the members of these fishing BBs. I am going to work on it, with help of many friends I have on here, to ignore flaming and baited posts (some are for agendas, some just to get entertaining reactions). Geez, I guess I didn't disappoint those crews, eh? But enough of that now.

As for the revelation ... It's an ironic one indeed. For a long time some people have put out on the rumor mill that I have pain med problems. This 'wrong at that time' rumor was exascerbated by a couple things - that I do use them on ocassion for a bad ankle when going fishing, and also kidding around about it in posts. It was never as it appeared though - despite lots of silly sounding posts I've done in attempts at lighthearted humor. But ...

... the ironic part is that now these meds have become a problem for me the last 3 months. I will reveal a little about it, and hopefully it may help others who have been thru it, and others who could be faced with it suddenly at any time in their lives. I had the most painful injury in my life in early October; and it is a very slow to heal type of injury (severly broken tailbone that still may require surgery to pin back together if it doesn't heal on it's own in the next few months). The pain gets bad and can't be avoided when you need to sit for awhile. So my family doctor and I have used the pain meds, reasonbly carefully, to help manage this situation during the slow recovery process. And there is no doubt that it has helped me deal with physical pain. But at what price?

In addition to already being pain aggrivated, these meds do make people who use them quite irritable much of the time. So this double whammy on my disposition has gotten me to be anywhere from terse to snapping at people. That's partly why I have been so affrontive in some of my posts when under uncalled for flame threads. This isn't an excuse, but an explaination - and an alert to others about getting into the pain med trap. I am already cutting back on using them the last few days. It will take a while, due partly to what I have to sit on.

BTW, you should see the stares I get when I take my family into resturants and I am carrying a big inflatable red rubber hemroid cushion with me. I tried folding it in half but that made it look like a giant pair of lips being carried by a kinky guy. I tried putting it into my pants (only on the backside ), but with an already large enough butt this made me look like those Saturday Night Live characters with the huge behinds. So I just carry it around with me and smile now.

As I get off these irritability causing things, I would appreciate any advice on alternatives. So may others appreciate such info. We have a lot of outdoorsmen here who undoubtedly have had serious injuries/pain issues to deal with. What works and is safe and non-invasive? Accupuncture? Headphones with loud rock music or rap music ? Sit on an ice bag a lot of the time. Thanks for any helpful ideas.

And again, I'm truely sorry for snapping at people in posts, and away from the BBs as well. I will do better with that starting right now! ... And maybe go sit on an iceberg and meditate. ... Excuse the long ramble about it, but I wanted to air this out.

It sounds like you are on the right track big guy. Best Wishes for a speedy recovery.

Well, I for one have missed your injections, thoughts, and good humour on the board lately. Everyone gets a little peeved at things from time to time and even on a regular basis (just ask my wife). Your candor, honesty, and passion for the issues you hold as important are well respected. Personally, I like to see some passion being voiced in a constructive manner on the board, which most of your posts are. Thank you for your honesty in this issue BTW (I've just figured out what BTW is after two years and plan on abusing it without regard).

Just to let you know, I've equipped my Olympic with a new canvas (no more holding on to the side flaps at 40mph...oh wait, you didn't have to partake in that since we never got it up over 10mph), in turn a professionally tuned motor, and an RT sized commercial truck inner tube velcroed to the port side passenger seat for your between strik lounging comfort. Let me know if your winter of physical inactivity has resulted a front loader sized tube to fit your posterior so I can adjust accordingly.

As far as medical advice (my personal cures usually involve a bottle of Tulamore Dew or Jameson so they aren't valid), I have numerous friends from ny old Sun Valley ski-bumming days who have had issues with meds (in SV I think the sauce could have been a side issue) and nagging pain from blown knees, ruined lower backs etc... turned to acupuncture and homeopathic cures. Just a thought.

Good to hear from you RT!

And don't forget to INHALE!

[ 01-23-2002: Message edited by: Dave Jackson ]

RT I hurt all the time from many old athletic and logging injuries. I hurt even more from a days hiking the rivers. As you know also I've taken a couple of bad spills this season that just make it worse. Mainly I try to deal with it mentally...I've just gotten use to the pain as part of my life. I allow myself a couple stiff shots of the good stuff to knock the edge off....but thats dangerous also. The pills I only touch in desperation as I've been in your boat. Your best bet is good friends who'll watch out for you whatever you choose for medicine. Just be up front with them always as you'd expect them to always be with you. Try a couple of days without any artificial crutches...then maybe a week....then maybe longer. Amazing what the mental side can do about the physical side of you.

Finally...just go fishing...best medicine of all.

Gooose

I'm glad to hear that you have folks around you who care enough to talk straight to you. You're a fortunate man. I'm betting that you'll have things handled and be back on top of things shortly. And thanks for all that you've done and continue to do to make this such a great board.

Ron

RT ,Gooose is on the right track. I've had 2 major surgeries on my neck in the last 2 years. Awfully easy to let the meds get the best of us.
I too found that dealing with it on the mental level was the most effective answer. I have found ways to work around those activites that cause me pain. Heck I even learned to cast lefthanded one whole fall and winter season. Comes in handy sometimes. Try kneeling when you need to sit. Have read you already have the kneepads... whats up with that anyway.

Your contributions over the years outway your mistakes. We all make mistakes. Some are just alittle more ... embarassing.

Keep on posting. You have a great deal to offer those of us that are still trying to figure out which end of the oar goes in the water.

RT, I feel your pain. I too have spent several months in hospitals, the last stint was for 4 months, and have been on the pain killers because I needed them. But, time heals and now I only take an asprin or two when I'm really hurting.
I'm sure you are alot younger than I am so don't worry, it will get better. Hang in there, pal.

Bring the donut into the restraurants and if people look funny at you, shame on them. They looked at me too walking on crutches, can't let it bother you.

fp

RT, Alot of us know what your going through and understand. Once in awhile the pain makes us all act like aholes, and we take it out on the ones we love most, or not? Stay away from the 12hr dose of Percs, they are very habit forming and all I have heard is bad. I've had lower disk surgery and both of my shoulders are pretty bad, sometimes a Perc(reg) or Vicoden is the only thing that helps curb the pain, other than a good fishing trip! But remember, if you need to unload to feel better were here for you brother. Let er go!

Good man, RT. Your honesty and humility are admirable.

As far as pain goes, is the pain in the bone, the surrounding tissue, or both? If you've got muscle/ligament pain around the tailbone, massage might help some. Have you experimented with "softer" pain relievers? When I was 14, I had an excruciatingly painful tumor -- osteoid ostyoma is what it was called -- in my femur. Before the docs figured out what it was and removed it, simple Tylenol was a surprisingly effective pain reducer (despite what the bottle says, you can safely take three Tylenol every four hours). For soft tissue pain, go with Aleve or Advil for their anti-inflammatory properties. And yes, a shot or two of whiskey -- and heck, you might as well choose something good like Maker's Mark or Knob Creek or Booker's while you're at it -- can help take the edge off. Good luck to you. I myself was rear-ended in my truck almost two years ago and am still dealing with a back injury from the accident, so I know how tough it can be to deal with chronic pain day in and day out. There have been many days when I yearned to fish but physically just couldn't get my 32-year-old body to do it. Hang in there.

P.S. If the pain keeps you awake at night and you want to avoid sleeping pills, you might want to try some melatonin. You can find it in the vitamin & supplement section of most drugstores and healthfood stores.

As Steve's friend and fishing partner I can vouche for what he is going through I admire his honesty here. The almost constant pain he is enduring on a daily basis is enough to piss any one off and add to that the personal attacks on his character.He has shown a lot of restraint although it may not seem like it. I've been dealing with pain too from years of working 8 hours a day on concrete floors loading heavy and awkward castings into a milling machine and as some of you know you look for any relief you can get. sometimes that relief can take control of our lives so that it becomes a larger problem than the pain.
Hang in there buddy I'm with ya! You ought to see the two of us trying to descend a semi-steep river bank
Hey Steve do you think we can get handicap parking along the Wilson?
Stew

Aw rats. And just when I was gettin' up the gumption to tell you to blow it out your vent...

RT,
At least you didn't go off like Mike Tyson!
.
"I'll F you 'till you love me"
.
we've come a long way from "I'm the greatest"

Hey RT: I dont know if that was a revelation or a revolution anyway since I havent known you for that long I still think your an alright sort of guy even if you do have revelations.
I guess I had better hurry up and get down your way so we can split that case of Molsons.
Keep smiling and when you get mad at me just put in a smiley.

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you
recognize a mistake when you make it again."

Hang in there RT, it sounds like those tail bone injuries really take a lot of time to heal. Only advice I have is to try to heal the best you can the first time around with it-you don't want to go through it all over again. I applaud your honesty and courage in stepping up to address your situation.

Best of Luck RT. Severe injuries suck and I for one have been down the multiple back surgery self medication trail. I wish there was an easy answer. I think I'll fight those demons all my life. I just wish I were one of those that could do all those things without guilting myself about it. Take Care.

Well Steve, we've had our problems and as Mama said "the proof is in the pudding" So recognizing the problem is a great first step. Changing behavores is easier said than done. Good luck on the painkiller thing.

Take it easy on yourself RT. Anyone who's met you for more than five minutes knows to let about half of what you say go in one ear and out the other.


As for the pain management issues, we're coming into that time of year when a two-tone on the end of the line will help you forget all about it. I see lots of walking and bank fishing this spring for you. The exercise will do you good and you won't be on your arse all day.

Bruce

You are a bigger and better man than probably most of us will ever be for your honesty and open discussion concerning this issue. I for one feel a sense of reverence for a guy who can shout it out and also say he's sorry! My hats off to you RT

Crayfin

Thanks for your honesty. That takes a mighty big man. I've learned bunches from your posts, probably more from you than any other source.

I have been where you are at. You seemed to grasp it sooner than I did. I was clean and sober for 8 years before throat cancer struck and the doctor said I had to take morphine or die. Well, 6 operations, radiation and 5 years I lost it all; wife, business, homes and friends. I only took what the doctor prescribed to get me through what I had to go through. But, medications and pain change people.
I finally could not live with the medications and I wanted my life back. I no longer live on medications and I live through pain everyday. Not as much as yours, but pain. I'd rather have pain and friends than no life.
I go to AA and have for 18 years and it's helped me alot. I'm not suggesting anything for you - just what I have done.
Talking about what your going through is fantastic. Some do not even comprehend, others have love and empathy.

Things never stay the same - there is a beginning, a middle and an end to everything.

BTW - how do I spell check this stuff?

Shut up and fish! Of course being addicted to fishing is quite different. I wish you the best of luck. Those pain pills will taste terrible if you add a little hemorriod cream to each pill. Break you of the habit fast.

Certainly hope you can whoop this one so that you can become a good little poster.

Break a leg!! well not really.

Good Luck, Steve.

I have, for the most part, appreciated your wit and wisdom. You have great knowledge and I have learned a great deal from your posts.

Anyone can be a pain in the @ss some times, especially if you have pain in the @ss all the time! :p

Get Well Soon!

[ 01-24-2002: Message edited by: GutZ ]

RT: it is commendable that you put this post up.

A few years back, maybe 10 or so, a Japaneese soldier who was part of a small group left to defend one island in the south Pacific during WW II was found. He was still wearing what was left of his uniform, and had his old gun. He was ready to die as his comraids had to protect that isolated island.

No one told him that the war was over and he would not believe his preceived captures dispite their best efforts to convince him that the war was over many years ago. He was taken back to Japan and reunited with his family. I assume he now lives happily ever after.

Need I say more...

Giz...

I didn't know what to expect with my revelation here. I wanted it to be both an explaination and a catalist for a change to the better for me. But I am humbled and appreciative of the nice responses I've gotten here! It's going to help me conquer the tough pain med situation and my affrontive style in posts, AND in off the board circumstances.

If anyone else is going thru a similar situation, feel free to e-mail me (above icon) and we can help each other get thru it. Thanks so much for the understanding and support. - Steve

RT I hope all is going well. Your posts have allways entertained me. I have liked our meetings though been few. We will meet again and catch some fish. Take care and fish on!!!!

rt
you can get thru it, addiction is a real ***** i know ive been addicted to just about anything and everything at one time or another mostly fueled by alcohol for me. it seems very dark and difficult in the beggining but it is doable and you will feel alot better down the road, what helps the most is support and sounds like you have a good start here.
mike

Rt

We must be getting old! It seems the older we get, the more we need to explain to others why we are, the way we are! It's not really the drugs that may be causing the problems. There is another reason for it. It's our "dam old" age! WE have been their, WE have seen that, WE have done that, and WE know what the outcome will most likely be! That and that alone is our biggest problems, not the pain pills. WE have just been around too dam long, and WE are getting tired of all the Bull $hit. We need some young bucks to take over the herd and guide the heard to the higher ground. Make no more excuses for your actions, just keep making the difference! Hang in there guy, you are loved and respected by many of us bb members. Everybody has a few bad days, they will pass.


Cowlitzfisherman

Is the taste of the bait worth the sting of the hook????

Sorry to hear about all the pain problems..Wish you a speedy recovery!

Steve,

I admire your courage, it takes a big man to publicaly apologize.

Others have done what you are attempting, if they can do it there is absolutely no reason you for you not to succeed. Do not accept defeat, setbacks are expected, get your mind right and you will win.

When you start feeling sorry for yourself, just remember those poor basterds that can't catch fish. Now that's a serious problem.

Sometimes we never realize just how many friends we have until we need them.