#172867 - 02/17/06 10:17 PM
54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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River Nutrients
Registered: 10/12/01
Posts: 2453
Loc: Area 51
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"Rumors are that the reason Dick Cheney didn't say anything about the hunting accident for about 24 hours was because he had been drinking. And I'm thinking, well jeez, he was probably drinking when we planned the invasion of Iraq." --David Letterman
"Dick Cheney and his buddies go down there hunting in Texas, and Dick Cheney guns down a guy. And they're hunting quail, and the quail disappeared. They vanished. And reports now that they're hiding in the mountainous area near Pakistan" --David Letterman
"This just in, earlier today, Dick and Lynne Cheney shot up a gas station." --David Letterman
"Dick Cheney finally answered questions about the hunting accident on Fox News. You know, I think Fox News is a little biased. They called it 'Interview with a Marksman.'" --Jay Leno
"In an interview on Fox News, Dick Cheney took full responsibility for shooting a fellow hunter. Then surprisingly, he broke down and admitted to killing two drifters in Flagstaff, Arizona in 1989." -- Jay Leno
"Cheney also admitted that he'd been drinking. He said he had one beer. Okay, it was a 40-ounce Colt .45, but just one." --Jay Leno
"They were in a car, they drive along, they get out of the car, he shoots his friend in the face, then they get back in the car and they go hide for 18 hours. That's not hunting ... that's an episode of 'The Sopranos'" --Jay Leno
"See, this is why Republicans have to commit white collar crimes to steal money. They're just not good with guns, they don't know how to handle them." --Jay Leno
"Today, President Bush says he is standing behind the vice president. Way behind him." --Jay Leno
"America remaining obsessed, fascinated, appalled, by what is being called 'Dick Cheney Shot A Guy In The Face-Gate.'" --Jon Stewart
"A mere five days after shooting a man in the face, Vice President Dick Cheney broke his silence about the incident by submitting to a no-holds-barred grilling at a public press conference. I'm just kidding. ... Actually, he sat down with Brit Hume on Fox News for not some much a grilling -- more of a teat suckle." --Jon Stewart
"He sat down for a one-on-one with Fox News. Very bold choice. Dick Cheney sitting down with Fox News is like Mrs. Butterworth sitting down with the Pancake Channel." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Cheney says he feels terrible about what happened. The man he shot was his friend and if he could, he'd give him the central processing unit right out of his own heart to make up for it." --Jimmy Kimmel
There was some talk that the vice president had been drinking before he went out to shoot and it turns out that was true. Cheney said he did have a beer during lunch. One beer, and the only reason he even drank it was to wash down the three hits of ecstasy." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Happy Valentine's Day. Good news, good news today -- so far Dick Cheney has not shot anybody." --David Letterman
"Everybody is in the Valentine's mood. For example, earlier today Dick Cheney shot his buddy in the ass with an arrow." --David Letterman
"The real question now is, is this a one-time thing, or will the vice president try to kill again." --David Letterman
"If this story gets any bigger, pretty soon they're going to have to tell the president." --David Letterman
"You can't blame [Cheney]. Bush says you can spy on people without warrants, you can torture people, you can hold people without a trial, so Dick Cheney thinks, 'Oh what the hell, I can shoot a few guys.'" --Jay Leno
"I'm surprised Dick Cheney loves to hunt so much. The five times the government tried to give him a gun, he got a deferment." --Jay Leno
"What a nightmare I had last night. I dreamed I was at a Washington party and I had to choose between Dick Cheney taking me on a hunting trip or Ted Kennedy driving me home." --Jay Leno
"The rumor is that Cheney may have been drinking and he wanted to wait until he sobered up. So he may have been drinking and then he shot a guy. And you know what's really scary about all of this -- what if it turns out all this time Bush was the smart one?"--Jay Leno
"The guy Cheney shot is a Texas lawyer. While he was lying there on the ground he actually handed himself his own business card." --Jay Leno
"After Whittington had a heart attack, Cheney said, "You big baby. I get those all the time. Walk it off." --Jay Leno
"Mr. Whittington is doing fine, but based on this development, we're going to downgrade the condition of this story from 'Incredibly Hilarious' to 'Still funny, but, mmm, now a little sad.'" --Jon Stewart, on the heart attack Harry Whittington suffered (Watch video clip)
"It turns out now that Dick Cheney did not have a license to hunt, and coincidentally, turns out we didn't have a license to go into Iraq." --David Letterman
"Kind of a sad study out today that single women over the age of 35 are more likely to be shot by the vice president than to find a husband." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Remember when the most embarrassing thing to happen to a vice- president was misspelling the word potato?" --Jimmy Kimmel
"Police are still investigating. They want to know why Cheney was unable to see the hunter at the time of the accident. And, they also want to know how Cheney wound up with his wallet." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The administration has been getting a lot of criticism for how they handled the situation. First, they didn't tell the media for almost a full day after it happed. The White House press corps was furious. They expect to be told when the vice president shoots a 78-year-old man in the face." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney." --David Letterman, on Cheney's shooting accident
"But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor." --David Letterman
"We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney." -- David Letterman
"The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet." -- David Letterman
"I don't know what all the fuss is about, what's more American than shooting your buddy in the ass?" --David Letterman
"Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton." --Jay Leno
"Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent." --Jay Leno
"I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wiretapping illegal?'" - -Jay Leno
"When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit they put Cheney on the stretcher. No, the other guy!" --Jay Leno
"Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!" --Jay Leno
"Something I just found out today about the incident. Do you know that Dick Cheney tortured the guy for a half hour before he shot him?" --Jay Leno
"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird." --Jon Stewart (Watch video clip)
"Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it." --Jon Stewart
"The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington's face." --"Daily Show" correspondent Rob Corddry
"He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right." --Craig Ferguson
"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'" --Craig Ferguson
"The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep." --Craig Ferguson
"Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past." --Craig Ferguson
"You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, six more weeks of winter." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The Vice President says that it was an accident. He claims the guy got in his line of fire, but the good news was he was delicious. Eat what you shoot!" --Jimmy Kimmel
"This is a great story. You've got the Vice President, a shotgun, a bunch of rich guys hunting tiny little birds. The only thing that could possibly make this story better is if he shot Michael Jackson." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The man who was shot is named Harry Whittington. He's a high powered Republican lawyer, he was very lucky. They say the only reason that he wasn't killed is he was wearing the body armor that never got shipped to our troops." --Jimmy Kimmel
"But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil." --Jimmy Kimmel
"So in summary, the Vice President of the United States shot a 78- year-old man in the face. Congratulations Mister Vice President, you are now a Crip." --Jimmy Kimmel
_________________________
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. -- Albert Einstein
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#172868 - 02/17/06 11:26 PM
Re: 54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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Repeat Spawner
Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 1340
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Cheney was VERY irresponsible. Absolutley no excuse for shooting another human being. He is fully responsible for potentially killing another hunter. That being said, pretty callous times we live in that this is considered humor. Flame away.
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#172869 - 02/18/06 12:04 AM
Re: 54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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Returning Adult
Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 305
Loc: Belfair, WA
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I'D STILL RATHER GO HUNTING WITH DICK CHENEY
THAN GO DRIVING WITH TED KENNEDY!
_________________________
God grant me the serenity to accept the size of fish I catch, the courage not to lie about it, and the wisdom to know that no one would believe me anyways.
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#172870 - 02/18/06 12:26 AM
Re: 54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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Reverend Tarpones
Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 8379
Loc: West Duvall
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Salmonella: I agree with you on both counts.
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No huevos no pollo.
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#172872 - 02/18/06 12:31 AM
Re: 54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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Spawner
Registered: 04/29/05
Posts: 487
Loc: Forks
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Sorry I could'nt help myself. Cheney sould have his gun an hunting rights taken away! 
_________________________
I was on the oars.
ylwwolf@msn.com
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#172874 - 02/18/06 10:10 AM
Re: 54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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Returning Adult
Registered: 05/02/04
Posts: 384
Loc: Portland
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I thought it looked like he was getting electrocuted but hey... let your imagination run wild I suppose!
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#172875 - 02/18/06 08:36 PM
Re: 54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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Repeat Spawner
Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 1340
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That is Earnest P. Whorrell. My kid's Hero! 
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#172876 - 02/18/06 09:04 PM
Re: 54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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Spawner
Registered: 04/04/00
Posts: 749
Loc: LAKEWOOD,WA,USA
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Dark_Spawner, your comment goes well with your signiture.
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Everyone's superman behind the keyboard
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#172877 - 02/18/06 10:18 PM
Re: 54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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Returning Adult
Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 305
Loc: Belfair, WA
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I thought that was nice?
_________________________
God grant me the serenity to accept the size of fish I catch, the courage not to lie about it, and the wisdom to know that no one would believe me anyways.
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#172880 - 02/19/06 09:29 PM
Re: 54 Reason's to love Bush-Cheney
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Returning Adult
Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 394
Loc: Western Washington
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Thanks for the post John Lee... we all need to laugh and introduce some much needed, healthy levity into these, otherwise, disturbing times and this disasterous administration. I hope we get through these next 3 years with out these clods screwing the country any more than they already have.
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You're welcome America!
George W. Bush
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