I thought about that, but he's a big fuc%er. When he comes up behind me in Forks someday there might not be anything heavy within' arms reach for me to hit him with, so I'll leave him alone if you get my drift.

That's not a very manly solution. I'll save my pepper spray for the bears.

Dan, you say some funny stuff, but seriously, this comment killed me! A+ material!

LMAO!!!!!!!

That was DAMN funny.

Blades....

I thought about closing this topic and/or deleting it, however since you insist on that avatar, I figure your either man enough to take it (no pun intended) or simply enjoy the attention.

That being said, please just change the avatar.

I dont care about the avator image i knew it would get under peoples skin....but i will remove it ok, to make everybody happy!!!

Thank you, thank you.

I'll be here all week.

Tony told me about having to get pepper sprayed before he could use it on some inmate. Then they would put him in a tower with a rifle. Yeah, that makes sense.

Makes you wonder if Charles Whitman got the pepper spray treatment before *he* went up in the tower with a rifle.....

He doesn't handle guns out there any more. He's pretty much a desk jockey now.

You're probably safe.

I had to pepper spray a roommate once. It was a deliciously white trash moment in my life. When the cops showed up, one of them asked me, "Why did you pepper that poor girl? She's alot smaller than you."

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well if I had her in a headlock when you came through my door, you would have put that nightstick up my ass."

Boise's Finest, who is also the new guy, says to me, "You have a smart mouth."

Without thinking I say out loud, "Well you have pretty teeth." And then his training officer, and the back up cops start laughing at him.

I glanced down at his belt and noticed he was carrying a brand new, molded polycarbonate PR24 side handled baton. That was good news for me. The side handle would prevent the baton from becoming completely lodged, and the plastic meant no splinters. Good colon health is important to me.



Blades,

Sorry sometimes I like to reminisce. So what was the pepper spray advice you were looking for? How to get it off your face? When to use it? Or is it OK for a guy to use it? I gave the follow ing advice last year. My apologies to those who've already read it.

I don't see any problem with pepper spraying someone bigger. Plus its kind of flattering to get peppered. Its says to your opponent "Hey I can't reach up to hit you in the jaw, so I'll just spray you like a skunk".

I would recommend that mace "rape spray". Its got a permanent ink ingrediant so that law enforcement can find the perp. Or you could just throw your egg cure at him. Or even better, why not just vomit on the guy. That'll distract most people long enough for a quick get away. Especially if you've been eating cheetos and drinking soda. That bright orange fizzy puke is very distracting.

Crapping your pants also has its advocates. I find that it takes too long if I've been eating enough fiber. Usually, if I've been fishing, my dietary fiber intake drops to 0%. I can crap my waders almost on cue. Reese's Red and Green Chile Burrito's from the gas station really help.

You don't actually have to form a stool to avoid being beaten. Passing gas vigorously will also work. I was in the middle of a fight once and had the guy in a headlock on the ground. He ripped a big one and it took all the hate right out of me. He may have also had a bowel movement, but I choose to believe he did not.


Vince

Lol. love it. I didn't even mind Blades' avatar. Some very orignal defensive ideas VHawk. Your line of work probably gives you an insight to the disgusting. Used to haul some vile ones to ER when I was a Fireman. The meatwagon always got the ones the Ambulance operators figured were non payers.
I wanna hear the rest of the "headlock' story. Did you marry her?

Gotta give props where they're due....great post Vince.

Advice is don't F with anyone who has it.

Sard,

Headlock? You mean the roommate episode of '94, and not the 'High School Crapped His Pants incident of 1988'?

The female was roommate and someone I worked with. Not very attractive, kinda stupid, but nice. My best friend at the time was Portugese. She says out loud once "Isn't Portugal near Ohio?"

Anyways the short version is she had this huge obsession with me. It was because I ignored her. That seems to drive some girls wild. So when I told her I was moving out at the end of the month because it was affecting my social life, she turned into Courtney Love.

Now I ask all of you, who wouldn't want to pepperspray Courtney Love?

She got drunk at 3 am on a weekday, started crying and smashing beer bottles. I needed to be at school at 530am. She woke me up three times in an hour. I snapped. I told her that I would call her mom or sister to get her if she didn't calm down. When I woke for the third time, she had cut the freakin phone line. So I told her to get out or I would pepper her. I was afraid she'd kill me if I went back to sleep, or burn all my stuff if I left. So I peppered her. And she still didn't leave. I waited about 5 minutes and peppered her again. And she still didn't leave.

I peppered her at a distance of about 2 feet, twice. My Gawd if someone farts in my direction I'm looking for the escape route. I will never entirely understand WTF was going on that nite.

I opened the door, and like the white trash neighborhood it was yelled out "Someone call the cops before this **&^7 kills both of us!" I left the door open so it would air out and so the PD could see what was going on before they hit the door. I didn't want them to get nervous and shoot me.

So Boise PD shows up, I'm tired but sober and apparently rationale. She's drunk, glass broken all over the kitchen, half scribbled love letters all over the kitchen table, mascara running down her face. I'm having a sick flashback just writing this. And the trainee asks me why I peppered her. I refrained from from doing the actual impersonation of Jimbo from South Park episode #103, but still said "Well she was coming right at me."

And he says again, "But why did you pepper that poor girl? She's alot smaller than you."

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well if I had her in a headlock when you came through my door, you would have put that nightstick up my ass."


That was the climax of a platonic relationship.


Ohhh that's a quotable quote. I had to let it stand alone.

VHawk

Just think what would have happened if you actually had a romantic relationship with her and called it off. I could write a book about psycho chicks(four marriages and other relationships) but I would like you to write the book's forward.

Thanks VHawk, the truth is always stranger than any fiction. lol I guess you must not of tied the knot with her. One of those classic learning experiences. A bovine beasty.

Great story! That must have been interesting..

Nothing wins a woman's heart like treating her like schit.

Yeah, but the sex would've been awesome.

It would have been the last sex I ever had. If I was lucky she'd kill me in my sleep, otherwise she might have gotten medieval. I don't want my coroners report to read "He was found mutilated, dismembered, with evidence of torture prior to death".

Or worse, "His member was found mutilated".

Sleep with known psycho chicks and thats what'll happen.

what about this one??