I've said that if I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, D.C. But, I'm over 55 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the Army. They've got the whole thing backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the
enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy, we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote
control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a
backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer-belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys get up early just to show we can (and to steal the neighbor's newspaper and pee).

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps. The army could lighten up on the
obstacle course, however. I've been to the desert and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy.
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave. To actually carry on a conversation. To wear pants without the top of the boxer shorts sticking out. To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture
an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about life before sending them off to a possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing they'd want to see right now is a couple of million old guys with attitudes.

Sounds great. Only one problem: Old guys know they are going to die someday and would prefer later...

Young guys know they can walk through machine gun fire without getting hurt.

Ahh.. to be young again.

Semper Fi

Nice work... in theory, it is a great plan.

Once the young ones are overseas, they are legal to drink (nearly everywhere).

Conversation you say... As a leader, I need to be in touch with my sailors.. I can tell you about nearly every new Rap release over the last year. Play Station is a wonderful topic too.

Bless their hearts though... very dedicated to the cause.

Man do I wish I could get rid of the beer gut!

Downriggin'

HOOORAH!!!!!

fun5acres

I agree with a lot of your sentiments. For sure us old spawners are much less valuable than those 18 year olds. If we have to have casualties, it would be better to lose us old farts. But can you imagine the average beer gutted 55 yr old trying to do the physical things they have to do?

And how many of us old guys will unquestioningly follow every order?

As far as how often young guys and old guys think about sex, I guess I'm still young at heart.

Bravo, 5 aches! Everyone should be aware that old age and treachery will ALWAYS prevail over youth and skill!

That's right Nookie

I don't know. I think I could hold my own just fine. I mean I may not be 18, hard as a rock with 6 pack abs, but I think I'm still in pretty good shape. So maybe my 6 pack abs are now a pony keg, but I think I could be of some good as an interrogator. I spend my evenings with a 12yr old boy and 13yr old girl. I can keep up with them in an arguement, and pick out bits of information that tell me what they have been up to. They are still amazed at my ability to know what they do all day. They have forced me to become somewhat of a spy, a special forces operative. Listening to phone calls without the aid of bugs, deciphering one sided conversations to not only know who they are talking to but what they are talking about. I can be pretty sly and cunning to say the least.

With that said, I am glad to have these brave young men and women protecting me now as I did their parents years ago.

And how 'bout that little girl they brought back? YOU GO GIRL!!

Downriggin

LOL