Elvis the original joke was funnier without the alterations. Here is the original which makes more sense.


Osama to Dubya

After numerous rounds of .... "We don't even know if Osama is alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:


370HSSV-0773H


Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it so it went to the CIA, and then to the NSA, then to the Secret Service.

With no clue as to it's meaning, they eventually asked Canada's RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) for help.

The RCMP cabled the White House as follows:

Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."

Old Boat
------------------------------------------------------------


Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store. A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy."

"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle." The old woman fainted.

Good one, Rory!

Kerry Says Saddam 'Might Be Gone' Had He Been President

Fri Oct 29 2004 10:02:35 ET

NBCNEWS Brokaw interviewed John Kerry Thursday evening.

Brokaw: "If you had been President, Saddam Hussein would be in power."

Kerry: "Not necessarily."

Brokaw: "You said you wouldn't go to war against him."

Kerry: "That's not true. Because under the inspection process, Saddam Hussein was required to destroy those kinds of materials and weapons."

Brokaw: "But he wasn't destroying them."

Kerry: "That's what you have inspectors for. That's why I voted for the threat of force, because he only does things when you have a legitimate threat of force. It's irresponsible to suggest that if I were President, he wouldn't be gone. He might be gone, because if he hadn't complied, we might have had to go to war, but if we did, we would have gone with allies, so the American people weren't carrying the entire burden. And the entire world would understand why we did it."

Political Cartoons

Nick Anderson:
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/wpnan/2004/wpnan041028.gif
Tony Auth:
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ta/2004/ta041029.gif
Chip Bok:
http://www.creators.com/1024/CB/CB1028g.gif
Ruben Bolling's "Tom the Dancing Bug":
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/td/2004/td041030.gif
Mike Luckovich:
http://www.creators.com/1024/LK/LK1028g.gif
Wiley Miller's "Non Sequitur":
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/nq/2004/nq041030.gif
Ted Rall:
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/tr/2004/tr041030.gif
Ben Sargent:
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/bs/2004/bs041028.gif
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/bs/2004/bs041030.gif
Garry Trudeau's "Doonesbury":
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/db/2004/db041030.gif
Signe Wilkinson:
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/wpswi/2004/wpswi041029.gif

Twas The Night Before Voting


Twas the night before voting
and all thru the house,
Bush couldn't sleep
and neither could his spouse.

Hanging chads were hung
by the Chimney with care,
in hopes they'd bring the same luck
as that other 2,000 year.

The Twins were nestled all snug in their beds,
while awol Guardsman were sought by the Feds
.
Finally sleep did come to the Master of the house, and snuggled up to him was Laura his Spouse.

When suddenly he awoke with such a great start, he fell out of bed and frightened his heart.

For out on the lawn there was a great clatter,
he ran to the window to see what was the matter.

When suddenly what to his wondering eyes did appear, but a miniature Sleigh with all his buddies so dear, Rumsfeld, & Cheney, Wolfowitz and Rice,
the whole gang was there, it was delightfullly nice.

But then out of nowhere Powell came up from behind,
to announce he had something of which to remind.

Tomorrows election day & thats why I've come by,
You're going to lose, they remember you lie!