Medical distinction between Guts and Balls


There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all
heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the
difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.

Driver’s License

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

‘Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK., the little girl says and then pensively asks, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. 'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend. 'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that evening at home the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. ‘You are 32.' The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out? 'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds,' the little girl states confidently.

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'



'Because you got an F in sex….'

A few classic ads that would ..... ahhh.....probably not make the PC-approved list today..........

those were amazing. especially the Total ad

Whats wrong with them?

couple more..........

I Just Love Romance


A man is sitting at home on the veranda with his wife . . . and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me . . . . talking to the beer."

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women


And here we go...

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.


And the Number One reason Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....



#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun

.....

Q: What do you call the useless skin around a vagina?
A: A woman

A couple, Veronica and Carl, decide to go golfing one weekend to a countryside course far outside of the city. During one of the holes Carl takes a wild swing and the ball smashes a window of a nearby mansion. In a panic they both hurry to investigate.

"Oh, dear. We should see if anyone's home," says Veronica.

"Are you kidding," Carl said in a mildly concerned manner. "This window looks like it costs half a year's salary! Let's just forget it, they probably won't even notice this side anyway."

"It's the size of a garage door... We have to, at least, apologize. Who knows who's mansion this is," cautioned Veronica.

Reluctantly, Carl agreed, and they both walked to the front door. As Carl reached for the door bell, Veronica realized that one of the main doors is open. She pushed the large, beautifully carved wooden door gently and stepped in.

"What are you DOING?!" Carl remarked.

"Taking a look inside," Veronica said with a devilish smile.

"We smashed his window, and now we're breaking into his house?"

"YOU smashed his window!" Veronica exclaimed.

"Oh, I see. So when we find jewelry it's going to be my turn again," Carl said sarcastically.

*Dirty look from Veronica.*

As they journeyed through the mansion and enjoyed the spectacle of paintings, furniture and ornaments, they came to a large hall with what appeared to be a handsome, well-dressed man sitting in an ancient-looking chair fit for a king.

"Welcome to my abode," he said in calm manner that almost demanded respect and attention.

"Oh my gosh, we are so sorry for the window," Veronica said obsequiously.

"It will cost you..." the man said in a stern manner.

"I guess, we can forget all about that Vegas trip, honey," said Carl, tilting his head up in a heavy sigh, as he bemoaned his current predicament.

"...However, I am not unreasonable," the man said, as he stood up from his chair, towering over the husband and wife.

The couple, eager to listen to the alternative, were shocked when the man revealed himself.

"I am, what some would call, a genie. This mansion, you see, is my prison. Although it feels strange to think of this place as a prison, I have come to accept it as my home. You are my first visitors in over 4000 years, and.. well.. even genies can get lonely." He looks over yearningly at the wife, as he finishes his revelation.

"Oh, no. Not gonna happen, pal," Carl says shaking his head. After a sudden Eureka moment, he looks up and asks, "if I agree to this, do I get my three wishes?"

"You shall," says the genie.

Veronica at this point, scared, confused, and even excited all at once, "what if I don't agree?"

"Then you and your husband forgo your Vegas trip to pay for the repairmen," reminded the genie.

"Goddamn it. Just.... Get it over it," said Carl in exasperation.

The genie holds Veronica's hand and leads her upstairs. He stops and turns to Carl, "you can use the chair, if you like."

"So what, I can FEEL like a king while you plough my wife? Ass hole," Carl thinks to himself as he gives a fake smile and nod.

After a good hour of pleasure for the genie, and undoubtedly Veronica, he turns to her and asks, "how old is your husband?"

"Thirty six. Why?"

"Wow. And he still believes in genies? I'm the personal assistant, by the way. My boss is away on vacation to Vegas. Now, feel free to change and get out of here, before I let the dogs loose."

And now for my own submission, pertinent to recent forum events here at PP

Q: Whaddya have when you have a bunch of moderators buried to their necks in sand???



A: Not enough sand!!!

I nominate this as the best thread ever.

The "bin laden" cocktail.
Two shots and a splash of saltwater........

Osama had blue eyes.
One blue this way, one blue that way.

Hey have you heard about the new alcoholic drink for sale in area bars/taverns/lounges called a " bin laden"?


"two shots and a splash of water"


How bout the one armed one legged muslim at the ATM machine? He asked me to check his balance.

"So i knocked the phuker over"


How come indians don't like snow?

"Because it is white and on their land"

How was Bin Laden like a Springer?
He had a good life until the seals showed up!

Two WSU cougars decided to do a little ice fishing on a chilly winter morning...

Loaded with gear, they headed to the nearest ice and began drilling a hole to start fishing....

Soon after they arrived, they heard a loud, billowing voice..." There are no fish in that hole!!!" They decided to fish there anyways, and as time passed, they weren't catching anything...

The two men moved locations, brought the auger out, dug another hole, and began fishing. Again, they heard the same voice.. "THERE ARE NO FISH IN THAT HOLE." Skunked again, the two cougars were wondering where the prophetic voice was coming from and why it was always true?

They set up a new hole, dropped there lines, started fishing, and they heard the same thing..... "THERE ARE NO FISH IN THAT HOLE." and again, they weren't getting any fish

The two cougs thought amongst each other, and could only come up with one option for who was speaking to them.

"God, is that you?" one of them asked.

and over the intercom came the same voice.... "NO, ITS ERNIE, THE ICE SKATING RINK MANAGER!"