Sols talking about the parrot got me thinking how much I hate my wifes cats. She has two " Skittles and Twix"..

They are pretty old, 12-13 years or more. They are a pain in the ass. Good for nothing really.. If they are outside they want inside.. and vise versa.. never happy. Wake us up at about 04:30 every morning. Have a pet door and won't use it. Dog wants to kill them both ( Dog on the other hand is a cool dude.. always happy and fun to be around )

Now one or both have been crappin in the house ( I WILL not have a litter box inside ) they can go outside anytime they want.

Question.. someday my kids are going to have to put me in a nursing home.. fact of life. How do I get rid of these bastereds without being the bad guy. My wife don't like them either but has a kind heart.

Coyote got 'em.

That's your story and you should stick too it!

PS. Sol had me rollin' on the floor with that parrot story. Damn, I hate those birds. Funny story, though.

She's only half asian Stam.. the boobs are German or French or something. I hear that she actually had a relationship going.. but the guy turned out to be married. First she was in denial, then she got pissed and confronted the guy "at his house in front of his wife". Made for an interesting "whats been happin at work story at dinner one night".

You should come kill the cats however.

I've had to bump off a few unwanted kitties in my day. A 12 ga at close range to the noggin does the trick quite nicely. Just make sure you have a shovel handy and bury it so the dogs can't bring your hidden evidence into the house.

"We" have two cats, too, named Kitty-Kitty and Casey. I when I was approched about getting the parrot, I figured worse case senario, I would feed the bird to the cats and be rid of them all. Bummer is, the cats are as afraid of the bird as I am. That fuc%ing bird has balls bigger than a rutting gorella.

A while back, by brother and I went to a friends house in pursuit of some "imported tobacco". The guy had a very large Blue & Gold Macaw (who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons)...
Anyways, this bird had run of the house as I'm sure Sol's does, and it was customary to come in sit down and say hello to Birdbrain. I said hello, and birdbrain ignored me , only to focus his attention on my brother, who was ignoring him. My brother finally said hello to the evil creature and was rewarded with a massive chomp through his jeans right to the jewels... Brothers eyes grew huge, he stood up screaming with the satan-bird attached to his manhood squawking like some demented spawn of hell, which I swear sounded like laughter! The demon-bird remained attached for at least ten to fifteen seconds before my brother was able to shake it loose.With tears in our eyes from laughing at this incredible sight, my friend and I suggested that my brother ( who's tears were not the result of mirth) be taken to the hospital to be checked out for..wait for it... Chirpees! I'll never forget that bird from hell!

My wife also wanted to get a bird, until we visited people with one.

A cat crapping in the house.....oh, yeah, baby! Perhaps halibut bait? Kinda goes full circle that way. Just an idea.:)

B-Run, check out the book "101 Uses for a Dead Cat" (yea, its a real book) You can get some good ideas for what to do with them after the deed is done. Maybe Knofish can use some of his squirrel techniques to bag the hairball spewing varmints.

As I read this thread, my cat is scratching at the front door to be let in. I open the door and she won't come in because she knows my Australian Cattle Dog is hiding around the corner in the kitchen ready to jump her. Cat has been banned to garage or outside..........we discovered that she was using the family room couch as a litter box. Yes, a real litter box was in the laundry room just 15 feet away. And yes, the couch is at the dump.

I'm not for killing cats, but try giving them away to lonely people in nursing homes or try Craig's List. By the way, if Big Stick hears there are cats to kill, he'll be down here blasting away and posting 100's of pics about it.

Build a gas chamber and promise them food.

If you're seriously looking to get rid of them, why don't you try google or your phone book, there are places that will take unwanted pets and adopt them out.

My wife would never do it. After a talk about it last night she says that they are here to stay. They like her and hate me. She says maybe I am the problem.. again

No truer words have ever been spoken.

How did you wind up saying "okay" to cat ownership in the first place, that's what I want to know? Our cats got piggy-backed as a condition of my drift boat purchase. Our parrot got piggy-backed on my generosity as a human being (I have a soft spot for my kids).

They came when some people she worked with had kittens, and my kids were really small. They played with them for a few days, then forgot they existed. I never was asked if they could come home, they just showed up.

I feel for ya on the birds. some people at the end of the street have them and they put the cage outside sometimes on a warm day. The lady next door called animal control on them because she thought the birds were freezing.. and so started a pissing match on our street. The lady next door tried to get me on her side a couple of times. I stay out of it and that pisses her off. This is the same lady that got all bent out of shape when the hot chick that used to live across the street would ride her riding lawn mower in a thong.

B-Run........I like your neighborhood, full of fun characters. Bad kitties, frozen birds, grouchy old ladies, and chicks on lawnmowers wearing thongs. Where do you live.......JerrySpringerville?

Put a chick in a thong on a John Deer into any story and it becomes a winner. You could be hand-digging a 6-foot deep sewer lateral though the front yard in August at high noon and it wouldn't be that bad if that chick lived across the street.

5107 Meadowlark Lane.. everyone has a 1 acher lot. All have pole fences. Min 2,800 square feet and rules out the ass. All the kids like me. All the moms hate me. I fix flat tires on bikes and encourage B.B gun shooting. I provide bottle rockets on the 4th of July. I am a bad man. My wife does not gossip. She is a bad woman. I'm the guy that will help the guy up the street with a heavy yard chore, and have my own freinds help me. I don't take anyone fishing. Don't want to go down that road. I have my own friends and don't want to hang out with the neibour.

In short. I suck

I have been known to fire up a KTM 300 and ride a wheelie down the street. Had the cops called on me for that, but have also helped that same guy put in his sprinkler system.. after that.

That chick was a top 10 tennis player at UCLA. She was 6 ft 1 inches and hard as a rock. Her parents have major bank ( dad is a corprate Lawyer and lives in Sun Valley) she married a semi pro hocky player and dad bought them a house, put him through school, bought him every toy on earth. He was a dick so she sent him packing with nothing ( pre nup of course) she went wild. I set her up with my freind and she humped him into a pile of goo and moved on. She could be spotted coming home at 06:00 A.M on a saturday morning climbing out of the BMW 730 with nothing but a long t-shirt and a cowboy hat smelling like a burn clutch. She is now a art teacher in Haily. God I miss her.

I see her ex now and again. He lives in a track home and has a ugly wife.

My wife lays outside in her thong, with a BB gun shooting birds sometimes. Classic sight. Sometimes she weeds the gardens in her thong too. I always have to decide whether to get excited or laugh. It is a funny, yet hot sight to see.

Your wife sounds like a brilliant and learned individual.

I made the mistake of taking my dipschit neighbor crabbing. I almost killed the mofo. I havent spoken to him since. Good move on your part.

My wife also don't like 75 % of my freinds. From what I know of your smart ass you would fit right in I doubt she would like you either, which makes you an O.K guy in my book. She wants me to like her work buddies.. I can't stand em.

Did I mention that her cats suck

Cats suck. Usually its anal people telling you how clean their cat is. Then you have to watch as it walks all over the kitchen counters and table. Uh, are those the same feet that just stomped all over that litter box. Pointed this out to a freind who responded, "thats why gay people all love cats. A little feces in never bothers them."

You guys got it goin on.
.............I'm going to go shuffle all my wife's thongs to the top of her undie drawer when I get home tonight. They're spending far too much time in the bottom of the drawer. Additionally, we are gonna have a little talk about "thong-friendly" sports and household activities she can pick up. Life to short not too.....


BRun, I like your attitude. In sorts I am the same type of guy on my block, Fixing things, helping out with stuff, but I do take my neighbors fishing cause they aren't crackers. I think I recall your stories abotu your neighbors....

In case you guys don't know it, Addicted's wife is the hot chick holding the monster king on Bobs homepage. The one that's been there forever. I don't see it going away any time soon, either.

The thongs in my wifes drawer are just for pulling our and waving around in the air before getting down to business. If she does put one on it usually comes off again in a matter of minutes anyway. Nothing good could come of her walking around in one for any length of time. Self mutilation, perhaps.

What is this about, again? First things first; I'm going to buy my GF a BB gun, and then show her this thread to explain how the BB gun goes well with wearing a thong, seeing as how we have someone else mow the lawn. I'm not sure if that will be intuitive to her, tho. I may have to call Addicted for advice.

B-run, that's a tough situation, but cats that start crapping in the house need to be invited to become outdoor cats, which is highly correlated with reduced longevity. How much furniture and carpet destruction can you afford? My tolerance gets pretty low in those circumstances. I like cats if they're social, like dogs. Cats that don't interact with people seem pretty pointless to me, altho some folks appreciate their aloof "independence." My GF got stuck with her daughter's cat; fortunately it's the most social cat I've ever known. Even so, it's got a couple downsides, as all cats do. First, it jumps up on the bathroom counter and pees in the sink. If it can do that, he oughta' be able to pee in the toilet - maybe I'll start leaving the lid up. Second, it likes to eat the flowers I bought last week for my GF's b'day, or any flowers in the house I guess. Not exactly execution behavior, but negative points anyway.

And don't get me started on birds. I love birds, but only at a distance. Any bird gets near me, and I try to kill it in self defense. I'm psycho that way. I worked at a chicken/egg ranch as a teen and have handled over a quarter million chickens, and raised chickens of my own. Ya'd think birds wouldn't bother me, but they do.

B-run, the problem is NOT you - this time at least. Cats can be OK pets, but it's irrational to keep indoors cats that soil the furniture or carpets. The problem is the cats' behavior. Now I remember why I love retrievers.

As married men we're trained to accept irrational behavior.

STOP IT!!

Funniest chit I have heard in a long while!

There.

Fixed the typo for you.

Dual Trophies. "Lucky"



PS. Best Thread EVER! You guys ROCK!

I think I owned the only "cool" cat I've ever been around. Seriously, I've always hated cats and my ex has always owned one. So, off to the humane society we went about 8 years ago and home we came with a little kitten. I wasn't real happy at the time but had no choice in the matter. That cat was awesome. According to my now ex who's had quite a few cats, this was the coolest cat she's ever been around.

After all, if I could have my two labs she could get a cat. Sounded reasonable. This cat grew up around my two labs and prettty much just acts like a dog. Now that my ex is my ex the only thing I really miss is that stupid cat.

That's hilarious!


Also, have you guys heard about a new field of logic called fuzzy logic? When I heard about it, I asked if it's main application was to understand women.

Pinner, if you can understand women, you could write a bestseller!
But then, who would buy it?Probably those guys who want to get in touch with their "feminine side"....

I love cats. They are so tasty!!! The taste somewhere between a Spotted Owl and a Bald Eagle!!!!!
Yes I have had cat to eat when I was in the Phillipines years ago. Dog and Monkey also!

Joe

What else did you eat in the Phillipines?

Other then food, nothing. The food is healthy (somewhat), anything else it eat is disease infested probably!

Joe

I used to work with a pilot that would fly into The Phillipines on a fairly frequent basis. On one return trip his navigator kept getting up and going to the bath room. After awhile he and the co-pilot asked him what was wrong. " I got a foot problem, " he answered.
" A foot problem?" they asked.
"Yea, my dick keeps dripping on it."

In short, he agreed. Don't eat anything but the food.

Ugh.