Best thread ever! Sol and Stam and killin' me. Can't stop laughing.

DanS just put it over the top!



PS. Speaking of DanS, is that you on the backcover of the latest STS? That shirtless dude Tony took the photo of?

That's gotta be you....

Who else does Dummington take photos of.

My little Hitler just walked in the door.. right now... informed me that I needed to give her 30 dollars for some other little chicks birthday present.. that she was going to some other kids cabin this weekend, and that because of that, she needed a new pair of Capris ( I think those are a type of pants) and that I should giver her 40 more dollars for that... No hello,, please,, nothing.

I asked her how her last day of school went today.. no reply, headed up the stairs.. I went up there and told her I would give her some money, but I wanted her to empty the dishwasher ( understand that this would make emptying the dishwasher, a 5 min job at most , at 70 dollars for 5 min.. Brain surgen wages ) Her reply ???.... " your just sitting there, you do it "...then closed the door.

I told her through the door, she had to do that before I would even think about the cash.. her reply "just leave me alone"..

So she has probably already called mom at work and set the whole thing up

I'm never gonna make it, bro. It's only a matter of time.

I can picture Sol BECOMING a Karate monkey! With only one girl, do I stand a chance if I just raise her as a boy? At 18 months she's already trying out shoes and throwing tantrums.... I'm screwed.

The son is worse Sol. He gets all puffy on me when things don't go exactly his way. My problem with him is he is 6-4, weighs about 240 and has a max bench of right at 400 lbs.. ( football hero and clueless about much of anything else ) Just signed him up for 15,000 bucks for one year of colledge, momma bought him a 2004 Exterra and he can't even figure out how to check the oil.
( showed him a bunch of times, worked on dirt bikes with him for years... that I bought.. had no interest in doing anything but riding them yada yada ) He came close to getting his ass kicked out of my house a week back when he asked me for money to have his rig washed and I told him " its nice out, just do it in the driveway and save the money " Totally blew up.. called me a cheap C-sucker. Momma came running and told me that I should focus on the good things he does. I don't know, something about getting called a C-sucker kinda makes that hard to do.

What hits home with me here is the fact that somehow these things always wind up with my ass in the doghouse.

If my son called me a C-sucker, it would take all of his friends together to pry his body out of the drywall.

B-Run, I know the college expense crunch. I spent $50K for 4 years of college for my daughter to get an Art degree. She's a secretary for an engineering firm now, didn't use the degree at all. But I love her and it made her happy, along with the car I bought her and the wedding I paid for, etc.

my girls are 23 &19 just wait till they turn 14 [censored] is going to hit the fan dude. once they turn 18 seems like things get a little better every year.Drama will allways be there, remember cindy Laupers song (Girls just want to have fun) thats it in a nut shell.
may the force be with you.

Sol,

If they’re bored, assign some work that has to be done “NOW!” Or if you’re not involved in a project of your own, ask them to join you. My oldest daughter and I made a model driftboat in the garage one time she started out bored. Let ‘em sand the project by hand.

Parker,

The “box” happened when they were both in elementary school. It really, really saved my sanity about crap strewn all over the house. But you have to be willing and able to be a consistent asshole about it, and boy, do they catch on fast.

B-run,

Hate to say it, but the 15 year old is being trained by someone to be the way she is. If she gets service for yelling “MOM!” 30 or 40 times, that’s training right there. When I write about how I was with my girls, it kinda’ seems like I was a real asshole, but if no one answered them after they yelled a name once or twice, I told them that means the person they’re seeking is out of ear shot, and the rules of problem ownership means the kid needs to go find that person and ask their question. Very easy to cure. When I yell, I can be heard in the next county. My kid yells for someone more than twice, and I go to them and yell at them until they cringe and admit that they understand yelling really isn’t so cool when someone else – like me – is doing it at them. Kinda' makes them disinterested in yelling the next time they want someone.

Money for b-day gift and pants? You don’t have to own these problems if you don’t want to. Does she have a budget for gifts, clothes, incidentals? If she did, she wouldn’t have to even mention it to you and could take care of it herself – assuming she manages her money responsibly. And if she doesn’t, well, let me refer again to the rules of problem ownership. Hell, I should write a book on this. Kids are so much more fun when they entertain you and can’t make most of these problems for you.

Whoa! I can’t believe the bit about your son. Sorry, but I’d a decked him. And if you want any respect for him, let him know that remark cost him that second year of college only because you’ve already paid for the first. Actually, any kid of mine said that, and I’d give ‘em the boot, and change the locks on the house doors, let ‘em see how they like paying their own rent. Just because he’s a football player, you can demand respect. It’s only right. You got something he wants, mainly money at this point it looks like. Tell him when he grows up and acts like he’s worth a dollar to you, you’ll consider investing that much in him. But why invest in his college to have him treat you like sh!t? I’m having a hard time with this story, and I really feel for you, B-run.

Solving the kid equation isn’t impossible. I think it’s love and discipline in equal measure, and damn little money, since they’re likely to spend it poorly – unless you do the budget thing I mentioned and refuse to bail them out when they screw up. Screwing up is one of the most valuable learning and growth experiences they will ever have.

Sincerely,

Salmo g.

me making a HUUUUGE BOW!

a very astute observation Mister Sol.

very awesome stam!! i didnt know you had a daughter...hmph...guess you learn something new every day

Its easy to say what you would do. Its another matter to actaully do it. For one thing, anyone who actually knows me can tell ya I'm nobodys pussy. At the same time, things escalate fast when feelings are running high. Is it a good idea to punch your kid in the house and start a full on free for all ??? I would have to get pretty nasty to whip this kid, and its more knowing that it would hurt my feelings more knowing I did that for the rest of my life than it would if he kicked my ass.

You know, I left home on bad terms with my old man. I went away and found out I didn't know dick about anything. I was a a-hole I admit and I caused alot of problems at home. When I came back ( from the service) I treated him differently and we get along. Now he is all messed up and I take care of the problems. Its my job. I think maybe time with fix this.

He told me awhile ago that he " needed to find himself".. I told him " You find out about other people, you create yourself ". Long and short of it is, he will come around, and I know he is feeling like a major dick these days.

The 15 year old ??? thats moms problem. She created it she can fix it. I'll still be nice whenever she lets me.

Salmo G. more respect goes your way than i originally thought. From what i have read and talked to kids and adults that are dead on at raising kids. What you explained there is dead on what has to happen with everything. a consequence....but not a "rising rate/fluctuating" a consequence that is completely controlled by them. You have no say so. its cut and dry and no talking needs to happen. There can be no arguements or "buts" about it. The only other thing that i have read is that there also needs to be be encouragement and a reward on the opposite side to show that you do care and that you are proud of them for doing well.

i actually got that in a book i read.......The Horse Whisperer...the actual one in real life wrote a book on raising kids. what would he know right? hahah he applied his techniques from dealing with horses ( completely non violent or verbally violent) in breaking them ( he hates that term, he calls it partnering up to acheive a common goal) to raising kids. A reward and consequence system that has nothing to do with anything BUT the horse.

he raised ( as of the books publishing in 1999) 65 kids. adopted some and some were just mothers or fathers that were into drugs or that they coudnt deal with .

( they said control, he hates that word to, no one should control another individual EVER..its wrong...i agree its physcologically F****ed up to try and control another individual, otherwise known as manipulating someon to do what you want..no matter what the intended goal is)


i rented the video too from the library and watched interviews of close to 15 kids that are now grown up and living their own lives. Some of these kids were deeply disturbed from abusive, alcoholic, drug use, prostituiting parents, one kid was stealing at the age of 13 and was in and out of Juvy...every single one of the 65 kids went on to live fulfilling, competent, successful, completely law abiding lives...every one of them is financially stable and completely happy.....65 and 0 is a pretty damn good record when it comes to raising kids. He was currently raising 4 or so kids at his ranch during taping.

But much of what he talks about is what YOU mister Salmo G. just explained. Not controlling.....just some rules to acheive a common goal. You never TOLD them what to do, or tried to force them.....you gave them options...and it worked great! good to see that there are some very good people out there that know how to deal with kids. its scary how many parents just let everything go like Sol explained.

its funny though...you watch this man work with the kids and talk about them...he loves everyone of them....he rewards them for good behavior and work...never scolds...he gets genuinely dissapointed when they would disrespect him in the beginning. He gave them complete free rain of the ranch and all of its amneties unless they proved otherwise. He built them up from nothing with labor as a consequence and a large reward for a rewards. it was....amazing to watch...


and any successful *happy * parent i see employs a form of this system most of them unknowingly.

the kids would disrespect him..and he would say " i will earn your respect...i dont expect you to treat me any different then youve treated your parents or anyone else until i earn the right for you to respect me......."

wow...so pwerful.

i have to honestly say at some of the stories i got a little teary eyed at the love these kids had for this man...and how thankful they are.

he currently is touring the nation teaching his techniques to schools and got invited by the queen of england to speak. amazing man.

good luck Sol.....i dont envy you buddy cleaning up other peoples garbage..is never a fun task.

I haven't had kids, but it seems like there are three main problems in each situation. Salmo G seems to know what's going on.

1. Parents not working as a team- It's like the military, how could you enforce your authority and get your subordinates to do what needs done if they can go to another supervisor and have them cancel your orders. It is crucial that parents are united, which is tough if you have marriage problems or your partner won't let you punish your children.

2. Lack of discipline- Actions have consequences, and kids should be taught this their entire lives. Modern society tells you not to punish your kids and let them do whatever they want, and people then wonder why they grow up to be spoiled brats. I was ed, grounded, etc, when I was younger, and I know I am better for it. I will do the same with my kids.

3. Buying your kids off- Giving your kids the best toys and house and money whenever they demand it, etc. is not a good substitute for spending quality time with them.

These seem to be the most common and major mistakes parents make. If you could somehow resolve those issues, I think things would improve and your kids would turn out better because of it. Again, I'm not a parent and am not professing to be an expert who knows more than you, I'm just stating my opinion.

fishpinner

B-run,

We've met, and I don't take you as being a pussy to anyone. I don't mean to come off that way. I understand that Monday morning quarterbacking, as applied to child rearing, isn't the same as being in the heat of the moment on game day. While it's true that I don't know what I would do in that situation, I have the prior experience of what I have done when I'm in the authority role. Sometimes I think I can be an actor; I can be good cop or bad cop, as the situation seems to call for. Frankly, it's just me that if my kid calls me a c-s, they're outa' my house until they try an attitude change. Tough love is the hardest thing to do. I knew I couldn't do everything, so I set a small number of boundaries and made them absolute. And I was never a bank ATM for the kids. First, I didn't have any money, so it wasn't an option. Maybe I got sh!thouse lucky; I don't know. Being daughters, they're closer to their mother than to me. However, they seem to have a lot of genuine respect for me and the principles I instilled in them. Their mom wanted to have a lot of control on the outcome. I just wanted them to be safe so that they would have the options of choosing the eventual outcome.

I wish you the very best. I can only say that the experience can be very rewarding, and the results can impress you no end. I hope that's what you end up with.

Sincerely,

Salmo g.

Asshole is my middle name. That part will be easy.

Ok, looks like I should wait a couple more years. Oldest is 4.5. Youngest is 2.5

The crap all over the house truly chaps my ass. So far, they are good at cleaning it all up on the weekends. They like "working" with Daddy.

Parker: When they're 14.5 and 12.5, you're toast.

If Mr. Rodgers told kids to obey their parents and clean their rooms instead of telling them they are "special" just the way they are and not to change we wouldn't be in this fuc%ing mess. It's all his fault.