I've moved into my "own" place, and as a father now responcible for raising two daughters 3.5 days a week I feel it is my duty to employ a set of rules around the house that is free from the vaginated version the rest of our emasculated society seems to have bought off on.

Rule #1). If you want the toilet seat seat down, put it down yourself and DO NOT biatch at me for leaving it up.

Feel free to add rules as you see fit.

Rule # 2) I can't hear you if your crying and squealing.. your moms the one who reacts to that tactic.. your dealing with Dad.. remember ?

Rule #3) 5 minute maximum time limit per person on any given phone conversation. Get the point across and hang up.

Rule #4) 30 minute maximum time limit per person on all combined calls on any given evening.

Rule #5) Used femine hygene products are to be treated like nuclear waste: Disposed of sight unseen.

Fair is fair. I'm not going to raise them to be someone else's pain in the ass.

Which rule tips you over? The toilet seat?

Shame on you.

The "man-rules" name as a as a topic is meant to be humorous, which is obviously lost on you.

Girls raised by a man who lowers the seat for them learn to expect that from men when thry grow up, which is a feminist point of contingency. If this upsets you you are part of the problem.

I thought we were joking. I like women. I am married to one. She is pretty cool.

My Grandpa was a sage old man.. two things he told me as a kid will remain with me forever.

1> Women.. they have half the money and all the pussy in the world
2> The reason it has hair on it is so you can't see the hook

I found a Playboy magazine in my dads house one time when I was a kid, and my grandpa was the only home at the time so I took the magazine to him and open it to the centerfold and asked him what a pu$$y was. He was doing a crossword puzzle at the time, so he took his pen and drew a circle around the centrfolds pu$$y and said, everything inside that circle was a pu$$y.

Then I asked him what a cun% was. He said, everything outside the circle.

At the age they are at Tim, I say focus more on the fun than the rules. Make your time with them enjoyable and take advantage of the opportunities that WILL arise for teaching and discipline when they come up, don't make it your M.O. Think about all the things you have always wanted to do with your girls, and start spending all your time with them doing it.

I'm totally on board with that, Riley. This thread was meant to add some timely levity to rough times for my amusement. I haven't burdened my little girls with any baggage and I do not intend to.

I have no children but I do find the humor in this thread especially B-Runs grandpa's little diddy. Yours was pretty funny too Sol.-T :

I could not agree more, and that statement goes to the heart of my original intent for this thread. Can you say parody?

Lighten up, Aunty.

Rule #6. Shut the dangfridge door after getting Daddy his beer. Because a Cold One isn't a Cold One if it's not COLD!

PS. I love watching my two kids argue/bicker/whine over who gets to get Daddy a beer out of the little Beer Fridge in our kitchen!

I usually end up with a compromised solution. EACH OF YOU can get Daddy a beer!

Ok, then.
Rule #7. When it's that time of the month, you win a free pass to stay at mom's house until next week.

If you lived here I would probably send you some flowers Aunty. As women go, your O.K I now when I'm being an ass, and I contain it almost always.. ummmm ??? maybe

Rule #8!!!!

(also applies to household chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. Oh yeah, and that martini better be SHAKEN and not stirred, too!)

I wish I was gay. You broads are a pain in the ass to deal with no matter how you slice it.

Women.. the day they stop bitching at you its because they are doing some other guy, and they will be bitching at him soon enough

"I wish I was gay."

Grow your hair down to your shoulders, curl it up, dye it blonde, and get some earrings...

Uh...wait a minute there...

More levity for this post, brought to you by me.

Fish on...

Todd