Brokeback Mountain was based on the Alan & Big Stick story.

One from Avid's collection:

can't fool me.. that ones from your own private stash, hoh

Boring.

They still don't get it.

"Where do all these liberals come from??"

Every time a self described "conservative" opens his mouth he creates more liberals. If they'd learn to shut up maybe it would slow the tide.

Time for fresh bait:

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.'

That's a problem. Those are the liberal side of the swamp. Hmm. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their electric cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the sh!t out of them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the sh!t out of a Liberal Politician, there's nothing left but an a$$hole and a briefcase. I only eat fat cats from the other side of the swamp. You need to bite into someone like Don Young or Ted Stevens........lot more substance!

Hey Alan, she says she knows you.

Zzzzing.

That's a pretty good one, Tom!

I would have given you kudos....lol

but on two boards...

Mf

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware,
that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota ,
Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and the entire Northeast. We believe
this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the
people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell
research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get
Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get
Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture
capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the
tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy
families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo
California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all
our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask
your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to
their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you
success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not
willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh frui t, 95 percent of
America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the
high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.*** We get
Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the war , the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in
9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with
higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico
.
Peace out,


Blue States

Dan S.: That was Fvckin AWESOME!!

Oh, and Stam, I agree, 100%.

Oh, Oh, Oh, finally! A liberal nancy fish putting up a great fight!

Hey Sarah, I think this hole is just about fished out. That last bunch of bait I used was really stale, even threw in a couple of barbless hooks, and we still had some shakers on. Only one decent fish in the whole lot!

Well, I'm heading out for steelhead Sarah. Don't you do anything crazy while I'm gone like win an election or something. I've heard that would cause nancy fish to explode better than a dupont spinner!

BTW, Sarah, what do you call such a big group of bottom dwelling nancy fish? A school, a pod? Oh--that's right a muster!

Well, I tell ya babe, we must have anchored right over a huge mutual musterbation society of bottom dwellers here! Next time we'll have to use some ex-lax for bait. Some of these nancies have been so full of crap, they gots to be constipated!

See ya when I get back, Sarah. Like I said, don't do anything crazy!

Cool Alan.. we will hoist a beer to the new persident in person next friday.

P.S - YOUR BUYING