A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits down.
The owner, walks up to him and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork.
He returns to the man's table and hands it to him.

The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah,yes, that's what I'll have--meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened.

The blind man eats and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says,
"That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife Gladys that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife,
"Gladys, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."

Gladys complies and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I have your fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose,sniffs, and says,

"Hey, I didn't know Gladys worked here!"

THREESOME


I met an older woman at a bar last night. She wasn't at all bad for a
60-year-old. We drank and talked a bit, then she
asked if I'd ever had the 'sportsman's double', a mother and daughter
together.


I said no.


We drank a bit more; then she says that tonight was my
lucky night.


I went with her back to her place.


She turned the hall light on and shouted upstairs:
"Mom! You still awake?"

Got Grandma?

Leave out your dentures ma!

NEW PILL

Mint Flavored Birth Control Pill

The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market the new mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex.

The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.

They're going to be called....















"Pre-dick-a-mints."

Men waiting for the perfect woman.

One day a horned-up gal tells a young lad that she wants him to put his penis into her vagina. The lad says, "No way! My mom told me you gals have teeth down there." The gal says, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," and then peels up her dress and spreads her lips so he can see for himself. The lad replies, "No wonder you don't have any teeth, look at the shape your gums are in."

UGHHHH!

Could be worse. Crack of Don?

This super hot chick is sitting in a bar with three guys that stutter, and it's pissing her off listening to them talk. So she says, "I'll get down on my knees and blow the first one of you morons that can tell me where you're from without stuttering." So the first guy says, "Ca..Ca...Ca...California." She says "Fuc% you, loser." Then the next guy says, "Ne...Ne...Neewwwww York." She says, "Loser." The third guy concentrates really hard, takes a deep breath and says, "Miami." She says, "Good job," and gets down and sucks his dick. At the moment he cums in her mouth he says, "B...B...B...Bea...Beach."

Something to Offend Everyone



Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.



Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.



What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.



What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

10 years and 45 lbs



What did the blonde say when she found out she was
pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"



Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use
the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter
than the other?

A speech impediment.



What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying
at half-mast?

They're hiring.



What's the difference between a southern zoo and a
northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
front of the cage along with... "a recipe".



How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the
F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

A guy goes to his doctor. "Doc, my eyes are bulging out of the sockets. What can you do to cure me?"
After looking at the guy's charts and examining him the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but the only medical cure is to cut off your testicles."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. But you can get a second opinion if you like."
After seeing four more doctors who all gave him the same answer, the guy decides to have the surgery. A month after the surgery, the guy is depressed and decides to buy a new suit. The tailor starts to measure and calls out measurements to his apprentice. "Chest: 38! Inseam: 34! Waist: 36!..."
"Wait a minute!" the guys says. "I wear 30-inch waist pants!"
The tailor looks up at him and says, "Are you crazy? That would make your eyes bulge out."

Evolution of Math in the United States
Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1990

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 2000

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2007
Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?

Seattle Blonde:

A blonde was feeling so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into Puget Sound. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her teetering on the edge of the pier, crying.
He took pity on her and said, 'Listen, you've got a lot to live for... I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you, and bring you food every day.' Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added with a wink, 'And I'll make you happy, and you can make ME happy.'
The girl nodded yes through her tears. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat, along with blankets and food. From then on, every night he brought her sandwiches, water, wine and fruit and they would make mad, passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain. 'What the hell are you doing here?' the Captain demanded angrily.
'I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, 'she explained. 'I get free food and a trip to Europe. Meanwhile (she says coyly), he's 'taking advantage of me', so to speak.
'He sure as hell is, lady,' the Captain said. 'This is the Bremerton Ferry!'