My vote goes to the Hill Bar.
The evening starts out with a few fishing buddies around a table, drinking Pendleton's (and one cosmo) and shooting the crap about the day's fishing activities. Another round ordered and the stories may involve a 900 pound halibut, a 50lb king salmon, or your guide snorting wasabi powder. There is much laughter and more drinks.
Soon, the talks turn to past stories of greatness and of massive studliness. More drinks for this one. Stories of how Stam killed a grizzly bear with his bear hands. You're laughing your asses of by now. Bucket and Stam telling the story of the drunk logger and the infamous quote:
"You're a fake. But you, you're OK!!!!"
Oh crap, you've damn near peed your pants from laughing. Your head is spinning. Sure, another drink. Who cares that you will be up in 4 hours and out in the ocean fishing? It's LasCraigas and the Hill Bar.
You're at the point where you know it's all or nothing now. You kinda decide that maybe you should call it a night when all of a sudden the music turns off. The lights go dim. The local pack of Craig Women, who have been eyeing you at the table like the fresh meat that you are, suddenly squeal in delight. Half just had an orgasm, the lord only knows why the other half just made that noise.
You can't help but notice the swinging set of doors to the bar is closed, but you can see light under the door.
An eerie fog starts to roll in under the door, filling the bar. It get's super quiet in anticipation.
WHAT IS BEHIND THAT DOOR????
Before your poor drunk brain can even begin to process what is happening, the swinging doors fly open, followed by a massive torrent of thick fog!
Highlighted by a magical back-light, you see the shape of a human. Standing there, surrounded by fog and light. It takes a while for your eyes to adjust.
Is it BigStick? No.
Is it God? There is no God in LasCraigas, you idiots!
Chuck Norris? Not even close.
It can only be him, and it is: Kim!
He's dressed in a 70's all white track suit, open front with his chest hair popping out like Buckwheat caught in a headlock. The gold medallions on his chest sway back and forth.
No one says a word.
And finally Kim moves. All he does is raise up his arm and point. He points his finger at the leader of the Craig Wolf Pack, sitting at their table. He points and curls his finger up, telling her that she is his now. She realizes Kim is pointing at her and she almost faints. She composes herself and a get's up. That's when you see the massive puddle she was sitting in. She did not pee herself.
The music starts up. The dancing starts. The rest of the Craig Wolf Pack take their queue and instantly all turn and look at your table. You can see the drool from across the bar.
They want to dance.
They want to party.
They NEED to feed.
And they ARE HUNGRY and you are fresh MEAT!
The JackHammer has never run so damn fast out of a bar in his life.........
PS. NEVER EVER go to the Hill Bar bathroom when it's your birthday. How do I know that? Just ask Robbo. The wolf pack had a fun time when he came out of the pisser. He never knew what hit him.
_________________________
Tule King Paker
Gnarly.
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