Hey Yall I think your mom for got to give these rules to you when she booted you out of the house jk'n Yours too RT

Should you know of any rednecks, please pass this along to them...

MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS:

GENERAL:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
considered rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT:

1. When decanting wine from the box, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE:

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private, using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.

3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family):

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago".

3. Establish, with her parents what time, she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM., others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE:

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS:

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for that
special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE:

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Dude, now that's some Funny sh!t

I told uncle JimBob that the tires had nothing to do with legality. I also told him not to use the duct tape and panty hose as those are used for Friday nights, not towing.

Great post!

Hey_Yall
Director of Tumwater Valley Wiggler Ranch
Redneck Pro-Staff
Team Corona & Lime
N.W.O.

Speaking of duct tape and panty hose on a friday night. What the heck happened in the rolling love shack friday when you an O's stayed in it? And why is my cat knocked up now?