1.) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us *****ing about you leaving it down.
2.) ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color
3.) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
4.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
5.) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
6.) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
7.) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, or the shotgun formation.
8.) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9.) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
10.) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11.) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
12.) Crying is blackmail.
13.) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
14.) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the calendar.
15.) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
16.) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
17.) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
18.) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
19.) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
20.) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
21.) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.
22.) Check your oil.
23.) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
24.) No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
25.) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
26.) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 27.) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
28.) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.
29.) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
30.) If it itches, it will be scratched.
31.) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
32.) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Not only is that fricking hilarious, it's also the truth!

That is beutiful!

women can't understand normal thinking

I'll been in deep for that one. It was just a joke

Absoloutly brilliant, that is so great, thanks for the joke. It is a lot better than all the griping and b!thcing that's been going on here lately. Nice to see some humor break through. Fish on guys and gals, good luck to all. Justin

I'd like to take issue with #9. I would propose you ammend it to say,

"Shopping is not a sport, UNLESS we are shopping for sporting goods, or maybe beer."

Other than that, perfect

be careful you dont spill any of that salad on your dress

I agree with Dogfish on ammending No. 9 - otherwise, great piece Steve (F'bait). Thanks for the laughs, AND the ammo.

one which was omitted:
Women who wear wonder bras with low cut blouses forfeit the right to complain about having their boobs stared at. (sorry ladies, the devil made me say it)

I think every woman needs to see that. Because it's so true.

In the sprit of the Olympics.

Figure Skating and Ice Dancing aren't sports and I am not interested in watching them!!!

I agree with Vic, an Olympic sport needs to either be timed, measured or have a scoreboard...