Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm.' 'Mutual orgasm' here and 'mutual orgasm' there -- that's all they talk about.

Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"

Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

A difference you can TASTE!


This man walks into the patent office, places an
apple on the desk and says, "I want to patent
this apple."

The patent officer informs him that he can't
get a patent on an apple. The gent says, "Taste
it."

The officer tastes it and with mild surprise
states, "It tastes like an orange. Unfortunately,
it still can't be patented."

Not willing to give up yet, the man asks him to
turn it around and taste the other side. The
patent officer turns it around and takes a bite
out of the other side.

Slightly more surprised he exclaims, "It tastes
like a lemon. But I'm sorry, it's just not
original enough. Maybe if it tasted like pussy...."

So the man walks out somewhat dejected.

About the same time the next year he walks in
to the patent office again and sets another
apple on the desk. He exclaims, "I did it!
Taste this apple."

The patent officer takes a bite out of the apple
and immediately spits it out screaming, "This
apple tastes like ****!"

The inventor says, "No, turn it around."

A man walked out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a
key in his hand. A street cop approaches him. "Can I help
you, sir?" said the cop.

"Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replied.

The policeman asked, "Where was the car the last time you
saw it?"

"It wassss at the end of thisss key." the man replied.

About that time, the officer looked down to see that the
man's "thing" was hanging out. He asked the man, "Sir, are
you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The man looked down woefully and without missing a beat,
moans, "Oh, God. They got my girlfriend too!"

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet - caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot....

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a male mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the
old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with all the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with the men.

The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."


"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."