Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky". That's why you're getting your ass whipped at school.

Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.

Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa

*************

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Friend, Billy


Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.


Santa


*************

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they made you, didn't they? I bet your middle name is "Placenta" or "Raynbeaux", right, you little ho?

Santa


********************

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.


Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? All she had to do was give hers up now and then and he'd be happy! C'mon, she can't offer up the booty ONCE a year on his birthday??? Is that too much to ask? Look kid,it's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

Santa


***********************

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. How about I set you up with a Barbie?

Santa


*************************

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face when I'm riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.

Santa

************************

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porn films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the a$$es of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa



***********************

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.

Santa

**********************

Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. I bet you get "Time outs", don't you? You're getting a sweater, just like last year.....you little brat.

Santa

Thats just wrong

Fish Hunter 07's letter has been removed due to numerous complaints that have been received.

Ooops sorry Big_Daddy I forgot to delete this one too....My mistake and my apologies...
I posted the wrong and the more explicit Santa letter on this one too (I have two, ones clean the other one isn't)

Sorry folks...

Fish Hunter 07,

No worries...