DEAD DUCK !?!
> A woman brought a very limp duck to see the veterinary surgeon. As she lay
> her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to
> the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and
> said, "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your pet has passed away."
>
> The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm certain - the duck
> is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean,
you
> haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
> something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.
>
> He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever by his
> side. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his
> hindlegs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck
> from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his
> head. The vet patted the dog on the head and the two of them left the
room.
> He returned a few moments later accompanies by a beautiful Persian cat.
The
> cat jumped up on the table, sniffed the bird from its' peak to its' tail
> and back again.
> The cat then sat back on its' haunches, shook its' head, mournfully
meowed,
> then jumped down and strolled out of the room.
>
> The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is
> most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to
his
> computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to
> the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, reviewed the bill... "$150!
> she cried?$150 just to tell me my duck is dead !?!"
>
> The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry, if you'd taken my word for it, the bill
would
> have been $20. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."

Now that was funny!!

Q: Why do Blondes wear Pony-Tails?

A: To hide the Air Valve!


How do you know when a blonde has been at the computer?

There's white out all over the screen.


Why did the blond have a sore belly button?

Her boyfriend was also blonde.


What's the difference between a blond and a brick?

When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around.


What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.


How do you confuse a blond? Put her in a curricular room and tell her to pee in the corner. How does a blonde confuse you? Tells you she did it.


What does a blonde an a computer have in common?

You never appreciate either one until they go down on you.


How do you change a blondes mind?

Blow in her ear.


What do you call a blond with a dollar on her head?

All you can eat under a buck.


What is the similarity between a smart blond, Santa and the tooth fairy?

They are all make believe.


Why did the blond climb on the roof?

She heard that drinks were on the house.


What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?

Play ball.


How do you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?

There is a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.


What do you call a blond with a half brain?

Gifted.


How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One... blondes will screw anything.


What is the difference between blondes and government bonds?

Bonds mature blondes don't.


How do you tell if a blonde is sexually satisfied?

Who cares.


Why do blondes rub their eyes when they wake up?

They don't have balls to scratch.


How are blondes and parking spaces alike?

All the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.


What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.


What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.


How is a blonde different than a 747?

Not everyone has been in a 747.


How are a blondes like spaghetti?

They squirm when you eat them.


What do you call ten blondes at the bottom of a pool?

An air bubble.


What do you call 10 blondes in a row?

A wind tunnel.


How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.


Why is a blondes brain pea sized in the morning?

It swelled.


What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial intelligence.


What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?

The more you bang them the looser they get.


Did you hear about the blonde who broke her arm?

She was raking leaves when she fell out of the tree.


What do turtles and blondes have in common?

Once there on their back they're screwed.


How is a blonde like a doorknob?

Everybody gets a turn.


What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant.


What do blondes do in the morning?

Get up and go home.


What do blondes say in the morning?

Who are you guys anyways.


What do blondes and cow pies have in common?

The older they get the easier they are to pick up.


What do you call a brunette between two blondes?

An interpreter


Why did the blonde get fired from the m & m factory?

She threw out all the ones with w's.


What can strike a blonde without them even knowing it?

A thought


Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

Red means stop.


What is the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?

You take your shoe's off before you get on a trampoline.


Why don't blondes like vibrators?

They're hard on their teeth.


A dumb blonde a smart blonde and Santa Claus jump off of a bridge, who makes the bigger splash?

The dumb blonde because the others don't exist.


What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?

One's a busy ditch.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on his face.


The egg, looking a bit annoyed, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"