How bout some words of wisdom instead!!!!!


1 . I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 . Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 . Half the people you know are below average.

4 . 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 . 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 . A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 . If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

9 . All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.

10 . The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 . I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

12 . OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 . How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 . If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 . Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 . When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.


17 . Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 . Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19 . I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

20 . If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 . Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 . What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 . My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 . Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25 . If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 . A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 . Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 . The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 . To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 . The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 . The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 . The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

>33 . Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film