"Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry to Davenport, Iowa; New Mexico; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; and he follows him to Portland, Oregon. The only place he never followed John Kerry was Vietnam." - Jay Leno

"President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his service records thrown out."
- NBC's "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"

"President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one."
— Craig Kilborn

Last week Jay Leno, referring to the president's patchy recollection of his National Guard service in Alabama, joked: "The Pentagon is proposing to use the IRS to help track down reservists who signed up for military duty, but who they can't find anymore. They said troops must provide the military with information as to where they are at all times. President Bush said, 'That must be a new policy, huh?' "

Jay Leno: "They said on the news, he was confined in a wheelchair due to injuries he sustained 10 years ago while fighting in Bosnia and Chechnya. How is it we know more about this guy's military background than we do our own President?"

Jay Leno: "Remember Britney Spears' ex-husband, that Jason Alexander guy, the one she married for like 55 hours? Well, he's now speaking out about the annulment. He said he didn't know what he was signing because his father wasn't in the room when he signed it. Same thing Bush said when he joined the National Guard."

"President Bush stopped off at a bass pro fishing store to pick up a fishing reel, some line and some rubber worms. He's going to disappear and go fishing. So he must think he's back in the National Guard."
— Jay Leno

"(There's) controversy about Democratic nominee John Kerry throwing away his military medals and ribbons. Not to be outdone, today President Bush threw away his Alabama National Guard spotty attendance ribbon."
- CBS' "The Late Show with David Letterman"

"In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there."
-- Craig Kilborn

"Senator Ted Kennedy said that Iraq was President Bush's 'Vietnam.' When he heard about it, President Bush said, 'That's not true; I went to Iraq."'
- Conan O'Brien

"There's this huge controversy over the fact that President Bush apparently received credit for National Guard service in Alabama in '72 and '73 even though his commanding officers are saying he never reported. I think what's even more disturbing is that he received enough credits to graduate from Yale."
- Jay Leno

"Bush did have an explanation, he said he did go to Alabama but when he didn't find weapons of mass destruction, he went back to Texas."
— Jay Leno

"As John Kerry sails toward the Democratic nomination, new questions are emerging about President Bush's service in the National Guard, like where he was for six months in 1972 and why he refused to take a routine physical. President Bush has vowed to get to the bottom of this right after Election Day."
— Craig Kilborn

"Critics are now saying that his dad got him out of going to Vietnam. However, his dad did get him to go to Iraq."
— Jay Leno

"The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House said, 'no no,' that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National Guard. But today, the commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me? I'm the drunk guy. Remember me?'"
— Jay Leno

"They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven person panel and it will include Senator John McCain, but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard."
— Bill Maher

"President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney answered questions before the 9/11 commission ... They did not testify under oath, there was no videotape, no audiotape, not even a stenographer writing down the questions or the answers; there's no record of any kind; kind of like President Bush's National Guard service ...
- "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"

"President George Bush and his little buddy Dick Cheney ... testified together before the 9/11 commission for about three hours and 10 minutes. "Here's the condition of the testimony: No transcript, no records whatsoever, no evidence that it ever happened; it's just like President Bush and the National Guard."
- "Late Show with David Letterman"

"President Bush, you know he has the two daughters, the two Bush girls, and they're graduating from college. President Bush says he will not be attending the graduation because he does not want to create a distraction. "I believe that's the same excuse he used in the National Guard."
- "Late Show with David Letterman"

Letterman, who taped his show at 4 a.m. in New York City, talked about what various people might be doing at that hour: "And down in Washington, President Bush is resting comfortably at home in bed," he said, "just like he did in the National Guard."
- CBS's "Late Show" with David Letterman