Seems to be the place to hash these things out.. hows this.

When I was a kid I had a girlfreind ( high school till I was 23 or so) It was an odd relationship. First off she was smoking hot. Of that there is no question. Second of all if there is any such thing as a soul mate, this girls the one. I loved this girl more than any person since in my life.. I wanted to marry her. Problem was, we were kids, she was way hot and just didn't want me ( as a kid I was not the kind of guy who could supply the instant gratification and riches that older, richer guys could provide. I had to go the long route and work hard etc etc etc ) She went on to have all kinds of problems, issues and whatever.. I still really cared about her. Actually, I always loved her.

She went on to get herself together. In fact, odd as it sounds she joined the Navy. Spent her 20 years, did all kinds of things, got married and had 1 son.

To cut to the chase.. this girls coming to town and wants to see me. I could go into 30 reasons why I shouldn't, but I have one reason why I should " because I want to".. Just wants to talk. We were very close and she feels a need to catch up and see how it all turned out. I have a wife, a nice one at that. And yet I am complelled to go ahead and do this.

So do I ??

1> Tell my wife all about this and invite her over to our house ( she has talked with my wife before on the phone.. so she is well aware of who she is )

2> Tell my wife I am going to have lunch with her, and just go alone so she can talk freely about whatever is on her mind

3> Not tell my wife anything, go meet her and just have lunch or whatever

4> I'm outa ideas. I really would like to see this girl. I am not sure I can handle it however.

5> Get her and your wife in the living room drinking wine and turn the conversation to sex. [See Penthouse Letters for further instruction}.

#2

#3

Ive met with several Ex's for a drink or a cup o' joe. It was all honest and clean, (despite their attempts) but knowing my wife, I'd never hear the end of it.

I don't know, I've been pretty consistant on that issue. Women are O.K in my book. If we had no opertunity to pick and chose the ones we wind up with, I might not be so sure about that.

One of my buddies has a wife that if I knew I would have to spend the rest of my life with that.. I would certainly have to shoot myself. On the other hand.. its his wife not mine so I can sit back and be amused. By the same token, he's no great catch either.. sometimes I think they thrive on being dis-functional

Back on my original thought, is it possible to actually still love someone 25 years later, or would it be more of a case of being in love with a memory ??

My first response is to agree with Irie, but there are some more factors to check out.........only you know your wife and her emotions. Some wives would be cool knowing what's going on and some wives would have your sack in their fist. Plus if you do #3 and get seen by someone you know who tells your wife, then you're really in deep do do.

You didn't mention how you knew she was coming to town and wanted to see you..........did she call you? If so, why wouldn't just chatting on the phone be enough for her? Maybe she does want more, maybe she's 300 pounds now, maybe she's broke and wants a hand out, maybe she's a porn star and wants to rehearse a scene with you. Interesting tale B-Run, keep us posted and good luck.

i speak from recent experience brotha....

....be careful!

also, if you do decide to see her, try to find you some saltpeter...

"Back on my original thought, is it possible to actually still love someone 25 years later, or would it be more of a case of being in love with a memory ??"

You'll never know until you meet with her. I don't know your wife and relationship so I can't advise you which option is best, but seeing as how you didn't lay out 'x.) Ingore the urge and go on with the life I have' I would say you definitely need to check it out.

I will say that whatever you choose, make sure you don't f#^k up what you have to find out it is just the memory you're still attached to...

There's always that factor.

No way on the 300 lbs.. shes still hot. She contacted me through a mutual freind.. he says look out.. your not going to handle this well. He was there when it all went down way back then, and thinks I'll come away from it worse for the wear

#1 especially if your wife has any inkling about your long burning torch for her. My guess would be that your in love with the memory, everybody changes in 20 years--- you and her--- you have no idea who she really is and vice versa. Stay in love with the memory.

I am single...I could check it out for you...

I would advise to stay away. I've recently been approached by several women from my past who wanted to hoop up for a cup-o-joe and catch up er whatever. On the first instance, I'm honest with my wife so I told her what's up and what I thought I was intending to do, cause I didnt want to hide anything.......& She had a freakin kiniption.

Women don't want you to look to any other woman for friendship..it's a territorial-insecurity-anxiousness reaction thing. No matter what she says, deep down she won't be cool with it. You're going to make waves like doing a belly flop in a bathtub. Steer clear bro.

I'd scratch the idea. What good can come of it?

Be glad you have a wife that's cool, and take HER out to lunch if you want to eat and chat.

Forget the other gal........she shined you on once, and that should be enough.

Listen to your friend-- he knows you.

Um Ryley you know my number...
"You know baby I'm happily married but I've got this friend you just have to meet...."

Well spoken. If you can't be with the one you love,love the one you're with. I personally like Sol's idea. Many a penthouse letter,have I read!

Whatever you do be honest about it. Lying is bushwack

The Shoe...

In a box, out in the garage I have 1 shoe mixed in with a bunch of other old stuff I somehow feel a need to keep. My wife saw this shoe one day and asked me why the hell I had one shoe ( a small shoe at that and who's was it )

The last time I actually saw this girl was when I got out of the Army. I was living with a buddy and we had the standard pig stye house with a bong on the table etc etc etc.. Anyway, she shows up one night out of nowhere. She had been living in Vegas with her mom.. and had some total tool for a boyfreind..

I was glad to see her. Things were like old times. We took off and went camping, did a couple hot springs, talked for 3 days solid. I had to work so left her at the house. She went and looked up some of her old crew, and winds up on a 3 day cocain runner with some dickhead she knew while I was away. She was a mess. Rather than have to deal with her coming back to the house smelling like a burnt clutch, I took all her clothes, and threw them out in the front yard. She came and got them but I would not even open the door. She left one shoe in the lawn as she took off crying. I still have that shoe.

Maybe its the perfect time to give it back to her

Man, you sound like you've got it bad. I'd go with option #1. Keep the wife in the loop and involved. If you can't do that, maybe you shouldn't be married?

If you focus on all the times the old "love" had an opportunity to build a life with you and chose not to do so because she was more interested in partying and f'ing a$$holes, you might be able to mentally reduce your desire for her. You sound like you are in a prime situation to be taken advantage of by her or to make decisions that seem "right" at first only to haunt you for years down the road. Good luck. You're going to need it. If you do choose to see her, avoid alcohol.

This is some Dear Abby Sh## right here. I've been reading Cosmo on the toilet in the AMs so I am primed for this.

1. Your wife will not think this is cool, unless you married waaaaay up, she will not see it as anything but competition she doesn't need.

2. However, your wife isn't you, and maybe you are getting tired of the old gal. If that is the case you need to be honest with yourself and her.

3. If you are not tired of your wife, then why put her through you sitting down to lunch with an old flame? I know AuntyM might flame me for this, but many, many women have points in their life where their self esteem levels dip, and their emotions override their ability to reason. She may be feeling bloated from mexican food or got a bad hair dye, and you going to sit down with your old purportedly hot flame, simply cannot go over well.

The only way to really settle this is for you to put pictures of her and your wife side by each on this message board, preferrably in bikini's. Then we all can win and help you make this decision correctly.