"For those that don't know about our history, here is
the condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunters and gatherers.They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast
and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the inv ention of the wheel. The
wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were
the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early
humans were sitting around waiting for them
to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's
how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy
liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept
of Democratic voting to decide how to divide th e meat and
beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat
raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
French food are standard liberal fare. Another
interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat
Red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives
are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the
military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works
productively. Conservatives who own companies hire
other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America .
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created
a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be
noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to
angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Con servative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to
other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.


And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your
true self

This should be fun.