It happens in just about every four year election -- a throng of reanimated corpses lumbers toward the convention. The Republicans aren't dead, but they should be. They're relentless and oblivious to pain, and they continue to attack even after losing limbs. Usually, anyone the Republicans kill returns as a Republican, so they quickly evolve from a nuisance to a plague.

Republican or Not?
Republicans are undead, but not all undead are Republicans, and a resurrected corpse does not always a Republican make. For example, Frankensteinian monsters, assembled from various body parts, are not Republicans because they are usually intelligent and self-aware. Mummies can bear a striking resemblance to Republicans, even down to the guttural speech and shambling walk. Their deliberate physical preservation, however, sets them apart from ordinary Republicans. The infected people in "28 Days Later" also are not Republicans because they do not die before taking on a Republican-like (though fast-moving) appearance and fixation on killing.

Republican Self-Defense

Whether featuring traditional, shambling Republicans or a newer, smarter breed, most movies and games agree on how to survive a Republican attack:
Don't panic.
Get away from the Republicans. Most of the time, you can move faster than they can.
Gather food, water, an emergency radio, flashlights and weapons, voters registration and retreat to a secure location.
If possible, retreat to anywhere where common sense applies and you'll have easy access to food and supplies.
Stay away from sparsley populated areas, where the infestation is likely to be heaviest.
Barricade all entrances and stay put at all costs.
Don't get surrounded or backed into a corner or other enclosed space.
Remember that anyone bitten or killed by a Republican will become a threat to you and your party.
Wait patiently for rescue and make long-term preparations for your survival.

An important rule of Republican survival: Don't get surrounded. From "Night of the Living Dead."



Also, avoid common mistakes like:

Sheltering in a vehicle to which you do not have the keys
Leaving blades, cudgels or other basic weapons out for Republicans to find
Teaching Republicans how to use firearms
Giving your only weapon to anyone who is hysterical
Retreating to a basement or cellar without taking supplies with you
Getting into an elevator in a building infested with Republicans
Letting personal feelings and arguments get in the way of survival

I've found the best strategy to be using the internet to make their heads explode from afar. Less chance of infection and no mess to clean up.

Such a sad little man. Now take your stimulus check given to you by your shephard go buy your first fishing pole. Start at the kiddy pool and work your way up. Sooner or later you will find a happy place that you can relax. When you start to become angry again and lose your happy place just say out loud "the election is over, the election is over, the election is over" and cast your pole. Relaxing now isn't it.

the really sad part is that if this had been titled "surviving a liberal attack", guys like you, dewbie and oregonian would have thought it was funny as hell.

its honor to be mentioned

Republiphobia?

Care to create a definition and a list of symtoms?

"Stay away from sparsley populated areas, where the infestation is likely to be heaviest. "

Actually, I do think it's funny as hell. For such a pathetic little mind. Wonder where he copied it from.......

Sheltering in a vehicle to which you do not have the keys. You mean the one you are stealing?

Teaching Republicans how to use firearms. Don't bother they KNOW HOW!

Giving your only weapon to anyone who is hysterical. Liberals only weapons are running shoes!

Retreating to a basement or cellar without taking supplies with you. There's that word again! RETREAT!

Letting personal feelings and arguments get in the way of survival. WAAAH!

These sound like typical liberal moves. Kind of like their heroes, the French!

Lame. Doesn't suprise me so many republicans responded though!

It's sad but true that liberals suffer from electile dysfunction which is why they use Liagra

Question - What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
Answer -A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Q:How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A:None. Liberals wouldn’t actually change the light bulb, but they would show compassion for it by talking a lot about how terrible it is in the dark and more funding is needed to improve dim, 60 watt bulbs up to bright and productive 100 watt bulbs.

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Let George Bush fix it! It’s his fault it’s dark anyway!

Question: Why can’t liberals find facts?
Answer: They aren’t looking for any.

Question: How do liberals brain cells die?
Answer: Lonely.

Question: How do you confuse a liberal?
Answer: You don’t, they are born that way

Question: How much does a Liberal cost?
Answer: Nothing, Liberals have no values.

IF YOU GET AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF SARAH PALIN” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN A VIRUS.
IF YOU GET AN MAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON.


I HAVE FOUR TICKETS TO A MAJOR POLITICAL EVENT IF ANYBODY WANTS THEM.
ROBBIE KNEIVEL, SON OF THE INFAMOUS EVIL KNEIVEL IS GOING TO JUMP OVER
5000 OBAMA SUPPORTERS WITH A BULLDOZER IN SEATTLE.
SHOULD BE A GOOD TIME. LET ME KNOW

This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.

"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"

looks like someone touched a nerve here

Question: What’s the difference between an Iraq terrorist and a liberal?
Answer: The Iraq terrorist makes fewer demands.

Question: Why is it so hard for Liberals to make eye contact?
Answer: Obama’s rear doesn’t have eyes.

Question: How do you drown a Liberal?
Answer: You paint Obama’s face at the bottom of a pool.

Question: Why do Liberals like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.

Question: Why did God make Liberal smarter than rats?
Answer: He didn’t.

Question: What is the difference between giving to the poor and giving to Liberals?
Answer: The poor don’t follow you around for three weeks whining for more.

Question: What is a Liberal’s primary “feeling?”
Answer: Envy.

Question: How many chromosomes does a Liberal have?
Answer: Only 45, they are missing the “Truth Acceptance Chromosome.”

Dem. to Rep.: You're stupid!

Rep. to Dem: No. Youre stupid

Dem. to Rep.: No. Youre stupid

Rep. to Dem: No. Youre stupid

Dem. to Rep.: Oh yeah, well my president can beat up your president

Rep. to Dem: Nuh uhh! My president can beat up your president. Nah, nah, nah



































Nevers gets old. Does it?

The Democrat's Wife:

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil." The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"
"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as any first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.
My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the Limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled Immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be."

where do you get this stuff?

Today's GOP: We're white, rich, and we're gonna take your last nickel.

Today's Democrats: We stand for something!

Now on to more interesting news:

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16680-porn-in-the-usa-conservatives-are-biggest-consumers.html

I really enjoyed this paragraph:

"Eight of the top 10 pornography consuming states gave their electoral votes to John McCain in last year's presidential election – Florida and Hawaii were the exceptions. While six out of the lowest 10 favoured Barack Obama."