Well we never got around to finding that marriage counselor.

The mortgage is in her name, as at the time we refinanced, five years back, my credit was not doing us any good. (and it is worse today)

I have made ALL of the house payments as well as the tax and insurance. The county lists me as the owner and has for 25 years or so.

So what's the deal ? I know that it is community property state but I am getting a bit concerned about what she might be able to do when things start getting nasty. 125K mortgage on a home that was once valued at 400K but these days it is down to 270 or there about.

She left, and My son and his family now live with me in the home.

Looks like it's time to get a good attorney and start developing a game plan.

I might be in a similar situation in the near future.
I have come to a realization that I just can't live with a complete friggin' slob.
It's bad....I need my life back.

good attorney ? lol

Yep, good. Either you will have one or she will. Without one you will soon see what a good one can do. The ONLY good advise you will get on a fishing BB is to get a good attorney. It will be a bargain in the long run.

From my experience 5 years ago. Yes, get a good DIVORCE attny. I'm far from a lawyer, so this "advice" is from my experience only. TRY to keep it civil with her until it's over.

WA is a community property state. Any assets and debts incurred by either party is the responsibilty of the married parties. I foget what it's called, but you need to "file" a notice that from this day forward you're not responsible for her new debts (ie her spending money on a new car, credit cards, etc). You'll have to get the house appraised, and then one of you will have to "buy" out the others equity (maybe trade for other household assets, or sell the house and split the proceeds).

I'm sure others will offer better advice. Sorry to hear.

Well said.
Chasbo, take the initiative.

I'm not proud of my divorces, but I am proud of how I survived. You will too. Yes, get a good attorney.......and good doesn't mean expensive. I spent $17K on my second divorce and I lost everything.......and I filed. Attorneys love long, drawn out divorces with lots of paperwork being filed constantly....cha ching. I could tell you horror stories of my clients and their divorces. Best thing to do is meet with a couple of different DIVORCE attorneys in their half hour free consultation offerings. Give them the facts in a nut shell and take notes.

Be nice to the ex and I know it's not easy...but it helps a little. Good luck.

Chasbo,

It sounds like your children are grown. If so, that simplifies things a lot. It also looks like your house is community property. If you can negotiate with your ex without it becoming nasty, you both will be thousands of dollars ahead. As Snake mentioned, lawyers love to have all action pass through them, even phone conversations. It's all billable. Talk to your ex - if possible - and if you can reach the reasonable conclusion that if you both hire good attorneys, you'll end up splitting the house and everything else 50-50, unless you agree otherwise. You can reach that agreement and save thousands in attorney fees, or not agree and reach that same settlement, with each of you spending $10K or more.

My ex and I used the same attorney and spent $1700 each for him to draw up the paperwork. Some people do it even cheaper with a form off the internet and a divorce paralegal.

Sg

It's always cheaper to pay an attorney going into a situation than to pay one to get you out.

Agree with the get an attorney. Don't hesitate to ask how much it is going to cost you......no ask, big bill.....
Another thing worth considering, and it may not be a problem at all, but thought I would just throw it out there.......you may want to stay away from other women until it's all over. Pissing off the ex will likely not work favorably. My 2

Good Luck....you'll need it.

She is under the impression , as am I that we can do this w/o the liars oops lawyers.
we both have about the same amount of credit card debt.

But who owns the house ? that is the original question. Is the mortgage the house?

Whatever equity is in the house, you both own it in equal shares...leastwise, that's how it should be in a perfect world...doesn't really matter who's name it's in, since we're in a community property state and it was acquired during the marriage.

Fish on...

Todd

neither of us has a dime to spend on attorneys. After 35 years together we should be able to work this out amicably....I'll just continue to keep records of the appraised value when she left a upgrades to the home and see if I can get my children to buy her out.......in the end the county owns the house.

Dave is spot on with that advice. Here is how these things tend to go: She has left the home BUT she has girlfriends/co-workers and they talk ALOT. Girlfriends start telling her what she is entitled to and what they got in their divorces. Wheels start turning and the next thing you know she isn't so easy to work with.

Even if you cannot afford an attorney, most will at least do an inital counciltation for a nominal fee and explain the process to you. You need to establish a value for the home and subtract the amount owed from that figure. There is your equity in the home. Do not sink another dime into it in upgrades until this is settled as you will most likely be throwing money away. Also if she has a 401k then you are entitled to half of it and that can be used as a bargaining chip too.

Good luck to you.

Sorry to hear it. See if she want to play fair & nice but keep a lawyer on backup in case she tries to play dirty.

Once lawyers get involved it's going to cost you both thousands.

Chasbo, first, sorry you are going through all of this stuff. I will just speak from my experience. My ex and I had a friendly split up, although at first I was mad and thought I would take her to court for everything, but that was just out of spite and I knew it. We resolved to sit down and divide up everything. We both paid for an accountant to go over the 401ks to determine what was in there before marriage and what it earned over time then subtracted that amount out and split the rest.

The only difficulty was the house. We finally agreed that I would keep it and cash her out, but she agreed to knock off 10% of the appraised value and we got estimates on what needed to be repaired and subtracted that off the price. It turned out to be a good deal for me.

The rest of the stuff we just picked what we wanted. She got the stuff you would expect a woman to want and I got the stuff a guy would want. We didn't care about value. We split up the furniture and other household items. She kept her car and I kept mine.

We each hired our own attorney to go over our agreement and file the papers. It cost me less then a thousand. In fact I asked my attorney how I did in splitting up everything and she said you could have done better, but I would have spent more fighting for more equity in Court. She then asked if we were both happy with the agreement and I said yes. Pretty much said everything right there.

You need to think straight too. Go from being overwhelmed to taking control of your life. You have a future and this is no time to be burrying the old head.

Get a separation agreement too, like was mentioned so neither of you are responsible for each other's future debts.

Good luck!

As to the question of "who owns the house?", which one of you wants to own the house? If the answer is neither, sell it, and move on.

Refinancing the home, pulling the equity out to pay off the other, may be a lot more difficult at the moment because of changes in mortgage regulations, etc. Especially true if there are credit issues.

If credit is clean, and there is sufficient lendable equity to take care of the other person, there shouldn't be an issue. Also take into account the rate now, and what the rate will be after refinancing.

If credit is still crappy, and/or there is insufficient equity, it may not be such a simple solution. Sale of the house may be a better option.

Who owns the house????.Most likely the both of you.Good luck,
SZ