"I've always felt that being a Cougar prepares you for life. You learn not to expect too much."
--UW Coach Don James

Q: How do you neuter a Cougar?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw!

Q: What do Cougar Football players always get on their final exams?
A: Drool.

Q: What do you call a Cougar golfing with an IQ of 120? A: A foursome!

Q: Why are a tornado and a Cougar divorce similar?
A: You know someone is going to lose a house trailer!

Q: What does a Cougar say to a Husky at McDonald's?
A: "May I take your order, sir?"

Q: What's the biggest lie told in Pullman?
A: "I was just helping that sheep over the fence."

Q: What's the number one pickup line used for picking up WAZZU chicks?
A: "Hey, nice tooth!"

Q: What do Cougar cheerleaders and Cougar quarterbacks have in common?
A: They're always on their backs.

Q: How do you keep Cougars out of your yard?
A: Put up goalposts.

Q: What has 20 legs and 3 teeth?
A: The first row of fans at Martin Stadium.

A Coug riddle: If two Cougs get married in Pullman and then move to Seattle, are they still brother and sister?

Bubba had been attending WSU for 6 years and still did not have enough credits to graduate. At the commencement ceremony, the entire student body began chanting, "Let Bubba graduate, Let Bubba graduate!" The Pullman president decided that if Budda could answer a one question exam, he would graduate. The president said, "You have one chance, Bubba, what is 9x9"? Budda beamed and blurted out 81. A stunned silence followed. Then the whole crowd yelled, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

Last night there was a fire at the WSU library. They lost 20 books to the flames. The worst part was that 15 of them hadn't been colored in yet!

"Jesus was actually supposed to be born in Pullman, rather than Bethlehem. But they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."

You heard of the Cougar who broke his leg raking leaves?
He fell out of a tree....

Q: Why did the Wazzu grad cover her ears?
A: She was trying to hold in a thought.

Did you hear about the student who transferred from Washington to Washington State and raised the IQ of both Universities?

Q: What do you call a 250 pound Cougar cheerleader?
A: Anorexic.

Q: What does a Cougar grad call a Husky grad?
A: Boss.

Helpful lifelong skills checklist presented to each graduating senior at the WSU Commencement Ceremony

1. If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.
2. If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
3. If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with water.
4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
6. It's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.
7. When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.
8. When your PC says "You have mail," don't go to the company mail room and look for a package.
9. The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English language web pages into French.
10. If you're in the armed services, and it's April 1st, and you get an E-Mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.
11. If you go to the computer store to buy a mouse pad, you don't have to specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh.

A WSU student walked into a bar in Seattle and ordered two beers. After he paid for the beers he drank one and poured the other one all over his right hand. The bartender was curious to what he was doing so he asked him, and the WSU student replied "I'm trying to get my date drunk."

A ventriloquist from Seattle walked into a bar just off the Washington State University campus and asked the manager if he could do a little performance. The manager thought no harm could be done and agreed.
The ventriloquist grabbed a stool, sat down and began telling jokes about the WSU football team. Suddenly, a huge man wearing a Cougar T-shirt walked over and said, "Listen buddy, I don't know who you think you are, telling all these jokes about our football team. I for one will not put up with it!" The ventriloquist quickly apologized and said he would leave. The large man exclaimed "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to that little man sitting on your lap!"














A Husky fan, a Coug fan, and a Ducks fan were driving to the Rose Bowl together when their car broke down. They walked down the road to a farmhouse and inquired if they could spend the night.
The farmer said, "sure, but one of you will have to sleep in the barn as there is not enough room in the house."
The Husky fan said, "I'll do it." A little while later there was a knock on the door, it was the Husky fan. He said, "I'm allergic to chickens and there are chickens in the barn." So the Ducks fan left to stay in the barn.
A little while later there was again a knock on the door, it was the Ducks fan. He said, "I'm allergic to pigs and there are pigs in the barn." So the Cougs fan left to stay in the barn. A little while later there was again a knock on the door, it was the chickens and the pigs!

During an off-day in the Cougs practice preparation for the Rose Bowl, one of their quarterbacks thought he would take advantage of the break in southern California and visit one of America's biggest theme parks.
As he neared the park in his rental car, he noticed a big sign ahead on the highway.
"DISNEYLAND LEFT," it read. With that, he sighed, turned around and headed back to the hotel.

Did you hear about the Coug that went to the library and checked out a book called "How to hug?" Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.

A man died and was sent to Hell. As he was being led down the path, he noticed a Coug he had known back in the land of the living. The Coug had one of the most beautiful women the man had ever seen draped all over him.
The man began to complain to the devil about all the bad things he heard were going to happen to him, and questioned why the Coug had such an attractive woman. To this the devil responded, "How dare you question the way things are? How dare you question that woman's punishment?"

Seems that a Coug was driving West from Pullman at the same time a Husky was driving East from Seattle and they happened to meet head-on in a horrible crash on top of Snoqualmie Pass. Miraculously, both climbed out of the steaming wreckage...their bodies intact. They examined the twisted metal and realized that they were truly lucky to be alive. The Coug said, "This must be a sign from God that we should end the bitter rivalry that we have had since the beginning of time." The Husky agreed...he went to his trunk and pulled out an unbroken bottle of whiskey. "This is truly remarkable," he said, "God must want us to toast our new-found friendship." He twisted the cap off and handed the bottle to the Coug, who took several big swigs, wiped his chin and handed the bottle back. The Husky replaced the cap, and without a word, put the bottle back into his trunk. "Aren't you going to celebrate our luck?" asked the Coug. Nah, I thing I'll just wait for the troopers to get here.

A pretty blonde woman from the U of W is driving down a country road near Pullman in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke, they are studying for their finals over at WSU. She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay," she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to think about the two Cougs in the room next to her. They are not too bright it seems, but they are so handsome. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Four years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Thinking about their day off from the new McDonald's in Colfax.
Jed says, "Luke?"
Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"
Jed says, "You remember that blond woman that came by here about four years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."

Two men, one Cougar and one Husky, are using a public restroom. When the Cougar notices that the Husky didn't wash his hands afterward, he says "Hey, at WSU they teach us to wash our hands after using the restroom." "Oh really," the Husky replies. "Well at UW we're smart enough to know not to pee on our hands."

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mormon and a Cougar?
A: A basement full of stolen groceries...

One day at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter was greeting new comers. The first man was a brilliant engineer, so he and St. Peter talked about the great structures and buildings of the world. Next was a mathematician from Harvard, so they talked about the most complex mathematical problems in the history of civilization. The third guy had an IQ of 78 and a six pack in his right hand and St. Peter says, "How 'bout them Cougs!"

Q: How do Cougar brain cells die?
A: Alone

Q: Did you hear about the Cougar who won an Olympic gold medal?
A: He had it bronzed.

Q: Why did the Cougar carry the car door with him when he walked through the desert?
A: So he could roll down the window when he got too hot.

Q: What are the eight words guaranteed to break a WSU cheerleader's heart?
A: "Sorry honey, we just ran out of bacon".

So....A guy walks into the store and the clerk asks if he can help him.
"Sure can," the guy replies. "I want a bright, scarlet red sweatshirt, a pair of gray pants, gray socks, a red Cowboy hat and a pair of scarlet-colored cowboy boots."
"Oh, I take it you're a Cougar fan," the clerk say with a grin.
"How can you tell?" the guy answers. "It's 'cause I'm a askin' fer all scarlet and gray stuff, right?"
"No," the clerk answers. "It's because this is a hardware store."

WASHINGTON STATE ENTRANCE EXAM - FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
Time Limit: 3 WEEKS

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions.
-OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army
(d) write a play

4. What religion is the Pope?(check only ONE)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
(d) Canadians

9. Spell President Clinton's last name.

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for WHAT country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-
spell your name in BIG BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
(a) New York
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20. The Washington State tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
(a) B.C.
(b) A.D.
(c) still waiting

Q. What's crimson & gray and goes 100 mph?
A. A Cougar in a blender.

What are the three biggest lies in Pullman?
1) That combine over there, it’s paid for.
2) This belt buckle, I won it in a rodeo.
3) I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

Rumor has it that Paul Wulff has dreamed up a sure fire way not to lose next year's Apple Cup. If the Cougs win the coin toss prior to the opening kickoff he's instructed his players to elect not to play.

Three students from Wazzu were in the park and they saw some tracks on the ground. They were guessing what they were from. One guy said that they were bear tracks, another guy said that they were raccoon tracks, and the last guy said that they were opossum tracks. Then a train came and they were all hit.

The Coug was driving in his pickup down the farm road one hot dusty day with the window rolled down and his arm resting on the windowsill. He turned his head to the left, sniffed the air and said, "ooohweee, when are they going to invent Left Guard?"

Q: How do you make a WSU graduate leave your house?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

How Do you hurt a Cougar while he is drinking?
Slam the toilet seat on him!

What do you have, when you have 20 Cougs in one room?
A full set of teeth.

Bubba, the Cougar linebacker and his new wife Darlene were driving to their honeymoon in Moscow. Bubba reached over and placed his hand on Darlene's knee. Darlene said "Bubba, you can go further if you'd like!" So Bubba drove to Boise.

Q: What's black and blue and goes tha-dump, tha-dump, tha-dump?
A: A Cougar in a dryer.

Q: What's 6-13-6?
A: The IQ of the Cougar defensive line.

Q: Did you hear about the Cougar water polo team?
A: They had to cancel their season after the horses all drowned in the first game.

Q: Why don't they raise chickens in Pullman?
A: They plant the eggs too deep.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead Cougar on the highway?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: What do you call a Cougar football player with an IQ of 20?
A: Gifted.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl in Pullman?
A: A Tourist.

Q: Why don't they have ice in the bars in Pullman?
A: They lost the recipe.

Q: Why did the Pullman police department take the 9-1-1 off of their cars?
A: Cougar football players kept stealing them because they thought they were Porsches.

Q: What's crimson & gray, six miles long and has an IQ of 41?
A: The WSU student body.

Q: What's the longest ten years of a Cougar football players life?
A: His freshman year.

Q: How do you confuse a Cougar student farmer?
A: Give him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.

Q: Why do Cougar football players have such small steering wheels in their cars?
A: So they can drive with handcuffs on.

Q: Where do Cougar cheerleaders go in the morning?
A: Home.

In America they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your children?"

In France they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your wife is?"

In Italy they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your car is?"

In Pullman they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know what time it is?"

What is Washington State's idea of Fantasy Football? Winning a game in November and attending a bowl game that is actually worth attending.

Classes to take at Washington St.
10. Subtraction 99 (addition's really tricky)
9. Synchronized underwater basket weaving 101
8. Cow Milking 101
7. American Lit. 444: Critical anaysis from Dr. Seuss to Curious George
6. TV 100: What Happened to "Hee Haw"
5. Keg Tapping 1091: Traditional tapping techniques and styles
4. Pysch 201: Intro to animal Sexuality
3. Disability 1210-(If you're enrolled in this class, your IQ is below 20)
2. Careers 101: How to prepare yourself for fast-food restaurants
1. Power Tools 01: How to operate a hammer


Things to do in Pullman (WSU campus)
10. Do your wash on the front porch
9. Get a beer and then get a beer
8. Go to THE grocery store
7. Put gas in your combine
6. Naked Sheep Twister
5. Cow tipping
4. Do it in a bag and light it on fire on your neighbors porch (don't forget to knock)
3. Major in hotel Management
2. Try to get a date with benched QB Morgan Loebenstahl.
1. Play Cougopoly-limited real estate prospects, but plenty of free parking spaces


Favorite Clothes to Wear
10.Overalls
9. Jean jacket with wooly inside
8. Long underwear
7. A straw hat
6. Chew-stained tank tops
5. Genuine pigskin belts
4. Grandmother's 1881 jeans
3. Mom's woven blanket
2. Tight-ass acid-wash jeans
1. Nothing


Best Movies in Pullman
10. John Wayne Bobbit Uncut
9. The Beverly Hillbillies
8. Dumb and Dumber
7. Forrest Gump
6. Hee Haw-the Movie
5. Children of the Corn series
4. Deliverance
3. Nell
2. Stone Cold
1. Babe-the X-rated version


What's the real reason WSU QB Kevin Lopina got benched? ...He couldn't pound a six pack in two minutes or less

How do you keep a Cougar out of your front yard? ...Put up some goalposts

Did you hear OJ wanted to attend WSU? ...he wanted to go where everybody's DNA was the same.

How many WSU grads does it take to screw in a light bulb? ...Just the both of them, but it takes them 6 months and they get 6 credits for it.

What is a Cougar joke?
...a redundancy

What's the last sign of intelligent life in Pullman? ...Seattle, 371 miles!

What's the difference between the Cougars and Cheerios?
Cheerios make it into the Bowl.

Q: How is a Cougar like a possum?
A: Both play dead at home and usually die on the road.

Q: How many Cougars does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but 20 get credit for it.

Q: What is the difference between a Cougar and a computer?
A: You have to punch information into both, but with a computer, you only have to do it once.

You know you're in Pullman when...
the mortuary has a neon sign in the window and the hearse has a trailer hitch.

If you have ever won a moose "mate-calling" contest using an orifice other than your mouth...
then you must be a Cougar.

Q: What's the difference between a Cougar cheerleader and an elephant?
A: About 10 pounds.

Q: Know how to make it even?
A: Force feed the elephant.

Q: What's the difference between a Cougar cheerleader and the garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Q: What's the different between a quarter at the bottom of a toilet and a Cougar cheerleader at the bottom of the toilet?
A: The quarter is worth reaching in for.

Q: How do you find Wazzu?
A: Head East until you smell it, then South until you step in it.

Q. What does a COUG yell when they discover a rat in the kitchen?
A. Dinner's ready!

Q. What do people do when a Coug exposes himself?
A. Squint!

A blind guy walks by the fish market, pauses and says," AH Cougar cheerleaders I didn't think the game was until next week.

What do you get when you cross a Cougar and a big dumb Jackass? Answer: A bigger, dumber, slower big dumb jackass.

Q: Why do WSU women wear bibs?
A: To keep the chew off their dresses.

Q: Why do WSU graduates put their diploma on the car dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicap spots.

Q: How many Cougars does it take to get to a bowl game?
A: Yeah, right.

Q: Why did WSU decide to put astroturf in Martin Stadium?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

A few years back, there was a popular defensive lineman that played for Washington state. When it came to be towards the end of his senior year, the guy (named Butch) found out that he didn't have enough credits to graduate. He went into to the administration building at Wazzu and pleaded with the dean to let him graduate, but to no avail. He had to have the same amount of credits as his fellow students if he wanted a degree of any sort.
Well, it came to be that time of year, and Butch decided he would show up at his graduation ceremony anyway, regardless of whether he was getting a diploma or not. As each student was called up to receive their degree, a chant began growing through the crowd. It grew and grew until it became a stomping and roaring yell of "Let Butch graduate!! Let Butch graduate!!" They came to the end of the students and the dean, fearing a riot if he didn't comply, called Butch up to the podium as the crowd erupted in cheers.
"Butch," he said into the microphone, "I'll let you graduate if you can answer me this ONE question. What is four plus two?"
Now Butch stepped back and contemplated for a long period of time. You could practically see those rusty wheels turning as he thought about the possibilities. After a considerable pause, he stepped up to the microphone and said, "Uhhh, six?"
A hush fell over the crowd, until the next chant began. "Give him another guess!!! Give him another guess!!"

Q: What do you get when you breed a WSU Cougar and a groundhog?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Sign seen near Husky Stadium during the last Apple Cup...
WSU Parking: Tractors please park on the left. Combines please park on the right.

Sign seen when crossing into Washington from Oregon: Warning. Sales Tax ahead.
Sign seen when crossing into Washington from Canada: Cheap beer and smokes ahead, eh?
Sign seen when crossing into Washington from Idaho: Keep driving. It gets better.

Why do the Wazzu cheerleaders hate coming to Husky Stadium?
They can't graze on the artificial turf.

Why do Washington State uniforms have the school's name printed on them?
To make sure none of their players try to defect as the game wears on.

Q: What's a Cougar's idea of foreplay?
A: "Hey, sis, roll over!"

Q: What does a WSU woman tell her lover when she's done with sex?
A: "Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

When asked what he liked most about Pullman DJ quickly replied, “win, lose or draw we get to leave.”

The Coogs are going to open a can of whoop ass.

Cat's 38
Mutt's 28

This game will be really interesting. If either (or both) coaches learned anything from the Cal games it might be 7-6. If they didn't it might be 70-50. I'd lean to the Cougs because they can score in about 20 seconds through the air while the Dawgs need about 40 to run it.

Mostly, I hope that the fans brings some class rather than bottles......

LOL Coach Mike Leach chanelling his inner dead head:

"In his weekly radio show, a day before the Thanksgiving holiday, Leach was asked which rock band in history he’d most like to be a part of and which instrument he’d play. Turns out, he’s a Deadhead."

“Everywhere they go, the Dead, their concerts were events,” Leach said. “And I would probably play that triangle thing you hit with the deal. Jerry Garcia would look over, and I’d hit it.”

leach

I would love to see a repeat of the "snow bowl" That game is ingrained into my memory. to a great game.

Went to that game but we watched the 2nd half inside the CUB. Pregnant wife was cold. Drew Bledsoe is a friend of my brother and sister in law. His son is a backup QB at WSU. Damon Huard and Drew Bledsoe are both in the wine business. The older Huard threw that pick 6 to Kenny Wheaton on the goal line.

What's the difference between Husky Stadium and a porcupine?

One is full of pricks and the other is a small forest animal.

Why are they changing the playing field at Husky Stadium to cardboard?

Because Washington always looks better on paper.

What do WSU fans and UW fans have in common?

Neither attended the UW.

Do you know why Chris Petersen's teeth are off-white with a hint of brown?

Too many cream puffs.

How many Huskies does it take to change a tire?

Two. One to hold the wine spritzers and one to call dad.


How many Huskies does it take to change a tire?

One. Unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up.

What do you call a basement full of Huskies?

A whine cellar.

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a Dawg fan?

A Tattoo.

Why don't Huskies like making Kool-Aid?

Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the little envelope.

How do you get a UW grad off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a classy Husky fan and a homeless guy are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar-bill. Who gets it?

The homeless guy, of course -- the other three are mythical creatures.

Four Husky players are in a car, who’s driving?

The police.


What’s the difference between a litter of puppies and Chris Petersen?

Puppies stop whining after eight weeks.

What's the difference between a dead skunk on the highway and a UW Law School School grad?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Why shouldn't Huskies take coffee breaks?

They're too hard to retrain.

What do you call a group of Huskies standing in a circle?

A dope ring.

What did the Husky say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

"Oh look! Donut seeds!”

How many UW fans does it take to make popcorn?

100. One to hold the pan, three to shake the stove, one to hide the bong as the police arrive and the rest to complain about running out of wine spritzers.

Why do Huskies have TGIF on their shirts?

This Goes In Front.

Hear about the Husky that got an AM radio?

It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.

Why don't Huskies eat bananas?

They can't find the zipper.



What happens when a Husky cheerleader gets Alzheimer's disease?

Her IQ goes up.

What do you call a Husky in an institution of higher learning?

A visitor.

What do you do when a Husky throws a hand grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

How many UW freshmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. It's an upper-level course.

What's the difference between a Husky fan and a catfish?
One's a slimy, smelly, scumsucking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish.

When Huskies divorce, can they still call each other brother and sister?



A HUSKY BOUGHT TWO HORSES AND could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he trim the tail of one horse. That worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush, "trimming" it exactly like the other horse's. The neighbor then suggested that the Husky notch the ear of one horse. And that worked fine until the other horse caught its ear on a barbed-wire-fence. So once again, the Husky couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor then suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the brown horse was two inches taller than the white one.

A HUSKY CALLED 911 TO REPORT A FIRE. The operator transferred the call to the fire department. The fireman said, "Where is the fire?" The Husky answered, "In my house." Again the fireman asked, "No, where IS the fire?”

"Oh, it is in my kitchen!" he responded.

"I mean," said the fireman, "how do we get to your house?"

To this the Husky replied, "Well DUH! In your big red truck!"

Top 10 reasons to befriend a Husky MBA candidate:

They'll give you "cuts" in the unemployment line.
They'll let you know who the best public defenders are.
They'll put a good swirl on your Slurpee.
They can tell a real "dealer" from an undercover cop.
They can get you a car -- real cheap, real fast, and no questions asked.
They'll teach you how to pass a urine test.
They can get your new car a paint job -- real cheap, real fast, and no questions asked.
They'll be glad to supersize it if you ask.
You'll meet lots of new friends singing "Bow Down" together in the prison shower.
They'll hold both the pickles and the onions if you ask.


The Mortician's Tale: Very cheeky, and lots of hot air.

A Seattle-area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body.

He rolled it over and to his amazement, there was a cork in its rear. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard the University of Washington fight song come out the cadaver's butt.

Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor.

"Sir, you've got to come down and help me! I've just seen something I can't believe," he cried. Annoyed by the naivete of his assistant, he followed him downstairs. "There! Look at the cork in the ass of that body," said the assistant. "I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please, you do it."

The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork. Once again, the University of Washington fight song started playing.

Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song."



Street Smarts:

A WSU fan and a UW fan crash into each other coming into Colfax on the way to the Apple Cup. They're both ejected from their vehicles but they are unharmed. "Wow," says the UW fan, "This really has given me some new perspective on life... why do we have our petty fights all the time?”

"You know, I think you have a point," says the Cougar fan. "I have something in the trunk if it's survived.”

He goes to his trunk, pulls out an unopened bottle of Jack Daniel's, and says, "Here's to surviving, friendship, and everlasting peace between Cougs and Dawgs everywhere!" He hands the bottle to the Husky fan, who drains half of it and then passes it back.

"Your turn." he says

"Nah," says the Coug fan, throwing the bottle into the canal. "I'd rather just wait for the cops to arrive."

Drew Bledsoe is my all time favorite player

So the UW band bus crashed.
Bad omen.
Hope someone can keep an eye on Paker if it goes bad for the Huskies.

LOL
He could go all fetal with a loss to the Ducks and the c00gs in the same season.

Lucky Dog....

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

So did they Coug it or did they just get beat by a much better team?

I can't pick my nose. I think Leach got flat out coached.

Better team won. The coogs had a bunch of turnovers. Pretty boring game I thought.

lol

Did someone tell Paker that he can unfetalize ?





Edit:
Gaskin is a helluva running back.

Myles Gaskin Apple Cup career....

4-0
5.5 YPC
550 Yards
10 TD's

Soooo boring