How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her like an alter boy.

an old classic..................

So this lumber mill, in Oregon, is running three shifts a day in season and is having a hell of a time getting enough workers to fill all their positions (this was a long time ago). One day and old guy walks in, tap-tap-tapping along with a red tipped, white cane, and makes his way to the hiring boss.
Well, what the hell do you want! barks the boss. I come here to git a job, says the old guy....HAHAHAHAHA! roars the boss man, you gotta' be kidding me you old fart, why your'e as blind as a bat! what the hell do you think you could do here in the mill, anyway?
I can grade fresh lumber as it comes off the chain, replys the old guy. The boss man's eyes widen and then he sputters into a fit of belly laughs so hard he falls to the floor and rolls around bustin' a gut for five minutes or more.
He finally stands up, wiping tears from his eyes and says, GRADE LUMBER! you idiot! ya' caint even see, how the hell you gonna grade lumber?
Well, says the old man, I been doin' it now fer 30 years and ain't never seed' a board in my life, I jest smell 'em as they go by and yell to the sorter what kind of lumber it is so he can send it down the right chute.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! laughs the boss, I don't believe that fer a minute, but I'll tell you what, I'll give you a little test just to see, and if ya' can pass it....well I might hire ya!
Calling several of the crew together, he fills them in on the set up and they all agree to have a little fun at the old boy's expense.
The boss set's the old man up at a spot on the chain and calls for the first board....the old man bends over and sniffs when he hears the lumber on the rollers....snif, snif...thet's a Spruce he says. Well gol' dang!, yer' right says the boss, send the next one he yells.....the old guy sniffs again and says, thet one's a Cedar....CORRECT! again says the boss.
After several more try's with correct answers on each one, the boss decides to pull a dirty trick and get's Sally from the front office to come in, and after filling her in on the scam she agrees to take all her clothes off and lay on a table. (it's a joke son)
The boss brings the old timer over and say's....Here's yer final test mister, ya' guess this'n right and yer hired....but I know you won't be able to guess what kind of lumber we got a lay'n on this here table. With that he winks toward the other guys then say's, OK do yer' stuff ol' timer.
Snif, snif, snif.......snif, snif snif w-e-l-l, I caint be sure, HA! I knew it said the boss...no wait a minute says the old timer, turn thet board over and let me try again. Sally looks at the boss and he nods his head, so she turns over on her belly and again the old boy sniffs a few times then straightens up and says.....Ha, you boys thought ya' could fool me but thet thar's a sh!t house door off'n a fishin' boat!