How to be a Republican

>
> > Some humor for you today:
> >
> > > Subject: To be a Republican you need to believe:
> > >
> > > 1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
> >Clinton
> > >
> > > 2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
> > > Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him,
> > > and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
> > >
> > > 3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but
> > > trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international
> > > harmony.
> > >
> > > 4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
> > > highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
> > >
> > > 5. A woman can 't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
> > > multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all
> > > mankind without regulation.
> > >
> > > 6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
> > > speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
> > >
> > > 7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
> > >
> > > 8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies,
> > > then demand their cooperation and money.
> > >
> > > 9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing
> > > health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance
> > > companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
> > >
> > > 10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science , but
> > > creationism should be taught in schools.
> > >
> > > 11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
> > > offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which
> > > thousands die is solid defense policy.
> > >
> > > 12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
> > > Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the
> > > Internet.
> > >
> > > 13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
> > > George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
> > >
> > > 14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're
> > > a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our
> > > prayers for your recovery.
> > >
> > > 15. Supporting "Executi ve Privilege" for every Republican ever born,
> > > who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)
> > >
> > > 16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national
> > > interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.
> > >
> > > 17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for
> > > wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.